Saturday, October 29, 2005
It is never easy to have a relationship come to an end, regardless if you were the person to end it or on the receiving end. Heartbreak is bound to rear its ugly head...the feeling that your heart is in 73 different pieces and you are not sure where to start piecing it back together. Trust me, I understand that feeling...
I made the decision to end a long-term romantic relationship with an absolutely incredible man. I did not end this relationship because I no longer loved him, quite to the contrary. I ended the relationship because we lived 5000 miles apart and the distance was really making things very difficult for both of us.
Frankly, I disliked the person I was becoming around the distance issue; always questioning, wondering when we could be together. It did not feel good to harp and it was eating away at both of us. I realized that it was unfair to him and to me so I did the hardest thing in hopes of salvaging our friendship; a friendship that means the world to me.
So what do you do when your heart is in pieces?
The first inclination might be to get in bed and pull the covers over your head or to sit in a corner and cry your eyes out. Just know those feelings are natural and all a part of the healing process…
Feel your feelings through and try not to “stuff” them. Stuffing them will only prolong the healing process.
Talk about your feelings with someone you trust, someone who will be there to listen to you and support you. Often times sharing how you feel will help you to work through the pain and provide you with the things you need to start healing.
Realize that you are going to have good days and bad and that is OK…some days will be easier than others. Remember, take it one step at a time and go easy.
Be kind to yourself. This is probably the most important thing you can do. Try not to beat yourself up or call yourself names. You are already hurting, so why add to it? Instead, try to do something nice for you…get out with some friends, take a walk, read a book.
Give yourself time to heal. It is not uncommon to want to jump into another relationship when you are hurting. In doing so you are not giving yourself the time you need to resolve your feelings or to let go of any pain. Not only is this unfair to you, but it is also unfair to the new person in your life.
Trust yourself that you will do what you need to do to heal and move forward.
Just remember, you are always welcome to share your thoughts and feelings here. Please just be good to you and take care of you, because you are important.
Until next time, be well…
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Pam, I have a client who is absolutely the most inconsiderate person in the world. First of all, my client has more money then he could ever spend and has the attitude that everyone should cater to him. He expects me to drop everything and run and basically treats me like a slave. I am damned tired of being treated like a second-class citizen! I have tried to talk with him to let him know that I do not like the way he has treated me, but it does not seem to make a difference. I am at a loss as to what to do!
Bless your heart!! First and foremost, you are NOT a second-class citizen and you do NOT deserve to be treated as one!
Second, I wish for you to ask yourself, is this a client that you truly need? If you were to let go of this client would you be jeopardizing your well-being?
If you answered "no", it may be time to let go of this client. Honestly, I am a firm believer that when we remove the negatives in our lives, we create the space for more positives to present themselves.
If you answered "yes", then how about setting a few goals that will help you move forward to more positive potentials? Goals that will you get to the place where feeling reliant on this client is no longer an issue. For example, "By "x-date" I will have two new clients". Then make a commitment to yourself to do one thing every day that will help you reach that goal. That one thing could be handing out your business card to someone, developing a referral program for your existing clients, making a few phone calls, or just sharing what you do with one new person a day.
In the meantime, know that it is OK to draw some boundaries. One of those boundaries could be placing your client on a schedule and sticking to that schedule. There is an old saying that I just love; "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."
Whatever the boundary/boundaries you draw, just remember, no one has the right to make you feel less of a person. You are not less of a person!! You are a capable person, who adds great value!
I wish you the very best of luck and thank you so much for sharing!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
The memory of a first kiss, the birth of your child, overcoming a huge obstacle, gaining a very important client; we all have memories large and small, happy or painful. Take a moment and sit quietly, recall one memory that was instrumental in motivating you to make a change.
A Painful Memory…
I was 21 years of age, but it in all honesty it seems like yesterday. Sometimes if I focus really hard I can smell the antiseptic and see the bright pink sign that hung on the outside of my grandmother’s hospital room door; “Beware of Infectious Materials” was printed in bold letters. Infectious materials? My grandmother was dying from lung cancer, what was infectious about cancer?
I remember reaching for the doorknob and as I started to enter the room a nurse stopped me and handed me a gown, gloves, a mask and instructed me to put them on. “Why? My grandmother has cancer. Why are we taking all the precautionary measures?” No answer.
I did as I was told any way.
The room was dark and it smelled of feces. My grandmother was sitting in a pair of “adult diapers”, rocking back and forth repeatedly saying, “It hurts, it hurts…make the pain go away.”
This woman who once was so strong and such a vital part of my life, looked so small, so frail and lost.
Finding Out the Truth
My grandmother did not pass away from lung cancer, my grandmother died from an AIDS-related illness. She contracted HIV from a blood transfusion she received in the mid-80s… we had no idea, not until she was in the hospital dying.
Her death was painful and it was hard to watch her suffer. I remember how angry I was, angry at the destructive disease that took her from us and then angry at the ignorance surrounding the disease.
“Anyone who gets AIDS deserves to die.” That was something someone said to me a few short weeks after we buried my grandmother. I was furious and could not believe the insensitivity. My first inclination was to lash out, to tell this person what a fool I thought they were. Instead I decided to become proactive, realizing that the comments made were probably made from a place of fear and misinformation. It was then that I got involved in AIDS education. The long and short, my grandmother and her story helped many youth avoid infection and stay safe, if not safer.
From a painful memory came something good; the opportunity to reach out to others, to empower them to stay educated and take responsibility for their well-being.
At the beginning of my entry I asked you to recall a memory, one that spurred you to make a change. What was it about that memory that motivated you? How did it motivate you? What change did you make and how did it make you feel? I am truly interested in hearing your thoughts so please feel free to share.
As always, I wish you well…
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Self-trust is the first secret of success. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to trust ourselves. Trust that we will make the right decision. Trust that under pressure we will do the right thing. Trust that when placed in a difficult situation that we will be able to cope. Trust that we will say the right thing at the right time.
Sadly, the lack of self-trust is common and is often cultivated over years. Maybe as a child you were told that something you thought was silly. Maybe something you accomplished was laughed at or criticized…whatever the scenario, you may have learned early on not to trust yourself.
Each one of us has the ability to make the right decisions, to do the right things, to be who we need to be under any circumstance…we just have to begin to trust ourselves. How? By…
1) Listening to our gut instincts; that little twinge deep inside that indicates the best direction. As a child my dad used to say to me, “Pam, your gut instinct is right 99.9% of the time so always follow it.” Interestingly enough, the times I did not follow it were definitely the times I wish I had.
2) Being ourselves not something or someone that others expect us to be. You do not ever have to be that square peg squished in a round hole.
3) Being open to the possibilities and weighing options. My own coach (yep, even coaches have coaches) once asked me what I thought I could possibly do or possibly get myself in to (in a good way) if I truly and fully trusted myself. Wow! What a difference that question made… it made me really think of all the great possibilities and all the options I had available to me.
Just remember, YOU have what it takes so let the TRUSTING BEGIN.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
The other day I was facilitating a group coaching call when I was asked how one can avoid being consumed by what they do to the point of burnout. This was an awesome question and one that resonated with the entire group, including me!
With pressure circling like a pack of vultures…pressure to excel, get the job done yesterday, meet demands, and make deadlines it is easy to feel consumed. Often when we have that feeling we forget that we are not super human and that we do need some time to recharge. Let’s face it, if you DO NOT take care of you, you can’t expect to be able to keep going at breakneck speed, be creative, have fun in what you do OR avoid burning out!
Recharging That Battery
Being good to you does not have to cost a fortune, cost you your job or cut into your family time. Frankly, not being good to you can cost you your health, hinder your ability to do your job or enjoy your family.
Here are just a few suggestions to help you avoid becoming fried to the point of crispiness…
1) If you are confined to your office, make it a point to get out of your chair, stretch your legs a bit and take a few deep breaths. Stretching and breathing is important to getting the blood flowing.
2) Try to get in some time for exercise a few times a week. A quick walk around the block will do wonders, believe me!
3) Get present! What that means…taking a moment to really pay close attention to what is happening around you. For example, if you are washing your hands, take notice of how the water feels and what the soap smells like. Being aware of what is going on around you even for a minute will help you to relax.
4) Schedule an appointment with yourself in your calendar each and every day. Make that YOUR time. Time that you will commit to yourself with no distractions.
Whatever the activity, please be sure to take some time to relax.
Until next time, please be well…
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Let’s give ourselves the courage to keep going when no one else believes in us, the vision to be able to see past the fear to where beauty lies, passion for everything we do, truth in always listening to our inner selves and possibilities because anything is possible if we really believe. Let’s give ourselves the gift of responsibility so we may have a say in our lives! - joey
(This beautiful quote came attached to an adorable gift I received from my family.)
I know that it may not seem like it sometimes, especially when we are at the end of our rope, but answers, strength, beauty, and truly amazing wonders reside within all of us. Sometimes it just takes a bit of support or someone to ask some powerful questions…but the answers are there and will come to the surface.
Just remember when you feel at a crossroads, get stuck, or sense some frustration it helps to…
1) Sit quietly with yourself and listen to what is going on inside.
2) Reach out to someone you trust for a bit of support.
3) Do something nice for you, i.e. take a walk, soak in a tub, get a cone of ice cream.
4) Have faith in YOU, because there is truly nothing you cannot do!
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Success, what exactly does it mean to have success or be successful?
With the plethora of information available, from websites to books written on how to achieve the greatest success, it is something that often evades and even causes angst for many people. But why?
It’s not uncommon for people to equate success with the car one drives, the house someone lives in, the level of education achieved, the clothes worn… the list is endless. The bottom line...it is too common to equate success with money and material objects. Heck, I even grew up in a culture where the message was the more you had the more successful you were.
Yep, that’s right; I am telling you that success does not have to be about how much money you make. Success is about who you are as a person and the things you bring to this world. It’s living your life to the best of your ability that makes you successful.
To share a personal story with you…
I have, for years, struggled with the pressure that I should and need to be making six figures in order to prove that I am successful. As I said, I grew up with the message that to prove your success you have to have the cash in the bank.
Frankly, the pressure became so great that I completely forgot my focus, my purpose, and my ability to fully love what I do. It was awful! I let others dictate to me what it meant for me to be successful rather defining it for myself.
Then one day the light bulb went on. I finally came to realize that being successful meant so much more than about making money. It was then that my whole focus and direction changed.
Now, for me, success it is not about having a six figure coaching practice, it’s about living my life with passion and doing what I truly love to the best of my ability… it’s about...
being kind to others ...
putting a smile on someone's face...
making a positive difference with action and deed ...
being a good mother, a genuine and caring friend, a loving significant other, and supportive daughter.
Realizing this, everything has started falling into place. The pressure is gone… it's as if someone lifted a huge elephant off my chest.
YOU are a Success!
Are you feeling that pressure right now? Are you questioning your own success? If so, I would like to offer the following recommendations.
1) Don’t let anyone define success for you! (It is the easiest thing to do, especially when we are surrounded by all sorts of messages.) Think about what’s most important to you, what you consider success, and let that be your definition and guide.
2) Write down five ways in which you would like your success to be measured, ways that are above and beyond the material measurements. Please feel free to share what you have written right here.
I will be willing to bet that from your own discoveries, you are a HUGELY successful person!! Just remember, success does NOT have to be about fancy watches, designer shoes, and expensive cars. Success is about you and all that you do to make your world a better place.
Until next time, enjoy your success and be well…
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Pam, I am 54 years of age and I feel like I am going absolutely no where right now. I am stuck in what feels like a dead-end life. I am looking for a new direction, but have no idea where to start. What can I do??
I truly wish to thank you for sharing... by doing so you have taken an important step forward. Often in sharing with others we find not only the strength and support we need, but we often find solutions.
I greatly appreciate where you are right now and understand how difficult it is to feel stuck. While this may not feel like the best place to be, and maybe it even feels a tad overwhelming, where you are is an important place to be. The reason... it indicates that you are ready to make a change or a shift in your life.
What I would like to recommend at this time are the following suggestions:
1) Block out at least an hour (more if possible) where you can spend a bit of quiet time. If it means turning off the phone, going to your local library or a quiet spot outside, great. This is going to be your time! Time for some discovery so the less distractions the better.
During this time grab a piece of paper and pen and start making a list of all the things that excite you. Things that ignite a fire or that you feel passionate about it. Try not to analyze this list as you are making it, just free write and capture the things that come to the surface. After you are done with the list, put it in a safe place. Then in a few days time, take your list out and look it over.
Are there things on this list that you can do now? Things that will help you to change your direction. Is there something on this list that you are really passionate about, something that you could potentially do as a side project or even a new career? Are there activities on this list that you have always wanted to try, but never have for various and assorted reasons? If so, make a date with yourself to try one of these activities. If you are nervous about doing so, find a friend that would be willing to try your activity too.
2) If you are feeling stuck in your job, now would be a great time to take a look at all the wonderful skills you have to offer. Are there any skills that are not being utilized in your job? If so, brainstorm with a colleague and come up with a list of work-related activities that can easily be created. For example, if you are a person who loves to throw parties and you are a fantastic cook, why not try to organize pot luck lunches on Fridays, where everyone brings a favorite dish along with the recipes to share. You would be amazed at some of the things that can develop (ideas, new roles, great friendships) from something that may seem relatively simple and basic.
As a final thought; try and remember that it is never too late for a change…no matter what age or stage you are in life. Change is a part of growth and can be fun. It can be a time of exploration. Most importantly keep sharing your thoughts and feelings, either with people you can trust or in a journal. Sharing is vital.
I wish you the very best and again, thank you for sharing!
Sunday, September 04, 2005
recently received a sad e-mail from my mother who reported that a dear
friend who moved to New Orleans to retire had lost everything due to
Katrina's devastation. Her home, which she put a lot of love and energy
into fixing up, her life momentos, such as her mother's china, her
children's pictures..everything. My mother's story of her friend is not
uncommon..there are stories of others just like her who have lost their
homes and worse, lost loved ones. We have seen the pictures and read the stories ourselves. Stories about dead bodies floating in the streets, stories of looting... it's endless.
Now is the time for action. Let's band together as a nation, no.. as a world full of compassionate people and help. It does not have to take much, even $5 goes a long way. If you are unable to donate money, please consider donating clothing and bedding to your local religious institutions and public schools, as many are collecting items to send. Please, won't you help?
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Does that perfect person exist? You know, that someone who always says and does the right thing, acts just as we wish for them to… in essence the perfect Mr. or Miss. Right.
Some people think that such a person exists and they spend years with eyes wide open, searching. There are even television programs based on finding that “perfect person”.
How do I know?
OK, I admit it, one night while flipping through the channels I came across a program on dating. Long story, short…a young woman in need of dating help, sat for what seemed forever, sharing a huge laundry list of qualities she was looking for in her “Mr. Right”. With high hopes and unrealistic expectations, she turned to the “dating experts” to help her attract her “Mr. Right”.
Why did I find this program so amusing? Because it brought back memories of “the list” I created when I was younger – while my list was not nearly as long and exhausting, I had one.
I’ll be honest, with my mental list in hand I too tried to find my perfect “Mr. Right”. Looking back, I was young, impressionable, and very unrealistic. Years later, after experiencing a divorce and coming to terms with the reality that my expectations were so far out in left field, I made a break-thru in my thinking. Hey, let’s face it; I am far from perfect, so how could I possibly expect someone else to be?
Don’t get me wrong, I am really not as skeptical as I might sound. While I don’t believe that the perfect “Mr. Right” exists, I do believe that a “just right” person does. There is that someone (for everyone) who brings to a relationship many wonderful qualities, not to mention a few flaws -- that's what makes us all exciting and different.
Something to Consider
While we can draft requirement lists for our significant others or potentials, the bottom line is, we have to be fair to ourselves and to those wondrous people in our lives. There is not a person out there that is perfect and if we are trying to find a perfect person we may just overlook that very special person who is “just right” (and no, I am not promoting settling here). It is important to remember…
He may be funny and caring, but he snores. She may be nurturing and independent, but bites her nails. Weigh the positives of your “just right” person – I bet they outweigh the negatives.
Oh and by embracing the positives and potentials, I assure you, you will release some pressure and start to have a bit of fun...in your current relationship OR in the dating process. With that said, I will leave you with one last thought, one that was shared on that dating show…be sure not to ask for anything that you can’t or aren’t willing to offer yourself.
Think about it.
Until next time, be well…
Sunday, August 28, 2005
The following is a beautiful story that was sent to me by a dear friend. Now, I do not know if the story is true, but the message is profound and it serves as a great reminder!
Babs Miller was bagging some early potatoes for me. I noticed a small boy,delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. Sure look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good. Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?"
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it."
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?"
"Not zackley but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble."
"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, perhaps."
I left the stand smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering.
Several years went by, each more rapid that the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his viewing that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts ... all very professional looking.
They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and mentioned the story she had told me about the marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about! They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size ... they came to pay their debt."
"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
Today .. I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ... . A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself . An unexpected phone call from an old friend .. Green stoplights on your way to work . The fastest line at the grocery store . A good sing-along song on the radio. Your keys right where you left them.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. - Lucille S. Harper
What is an egotist?
An egotist is someone who is very much driven by their own sense of achievement and their own feeling of importance. Outwardly, they are quite keen to talk about themselves in glowing and positive terms and will seek the same from others. Similarly, an egotist will seek to gain credit for themselves, and it is not uncommon to do so at the expense of other people or by ignoring team efforts.
Relationships (personal and professional) with an egotist can also be rather difficult and stifling, as there is little room for them, their ego, and yourself. Never fear, while egotists can be rather frustrating, there are a few things you can do which will help.
1) Try and never take what an egotist says personally. Remember, it is not about you, it is about them.
2) Limit your time with the person, keeping conversations to a minimum when at all possible.
3) When the egotist gets your dander up, rather than add fuel to the fire, take a few deep breaths before commenting. Coming from a calm and rational place will help you to deal more constructively.
Most importantly, if you find yourself at wits end, find someone you can talk with. Someone who will lend an ear and some support. As always, you are welcome to share right here! Stories, comments, suggestions, and tips are always welcome!
Sometimes we get a bit stuck or we find ourselves feeling a bit frustrated with our current situation. It happens to the best of us, but that does not mean that we have to get unstuck or deal with those frustrations alone.
How It Works
This is the place where you can ask a question and share without fear that your identity will be shared with others.
2) I will post your submission (removing your e-mail address and name) along with a response.
3) After your question with my response is posted, others will be encouraged and enabled to provide their support and suggestions.
Kinda like "Dear Abby" in the hope that you receive the support and encouragement you need to make some great steps forward.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I used to hate that phrase whether it was directed at me or at someone else. It used to make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
As of late, I have gained a new appreciation for that phrase. Why? Well, because as adults we often think that growing up is something that ONLY kids do, but you know what? Adults grow up too. I know, because just recently I did some growing up of my own.
Last Thursday was my son’s first day in middle school and I have to admit I was nervous as heck. I remember middle school and I remember what a major change it was…going from the safety of elementary school where you had one classroom to a new world where you were responsible for changing classes, remembering a locker combination, navigating around a different campus, getting to class on time…ACK, the pressure.
Frankly, I was a scared for him. Not because I did not think he could handle it. My son is a bright kid and I knew he could handle the change… I was not sure I could. With this transition came the realization that he was no longer a little boy. I knew it was time to let him spread his wings and begin to soar.
…comes learning to let go.
Yep, that is what I did, I actually learned to let go this last week. I learned to have faith in myself as a parent and faith in what I have taught my son; to know right from wrong, to be a good person, to take responsibility, and to welcome change and grow with it. Most importantly, I learned that by letting go, that did not mean that I literally had to let go of my son…it meant that I was providing him with the room he needs to blossom and shine.
The results were amazing…not only did I grow this week, but so did he and we both had a bit of fun in the process! Now, if I ever hear the phrase, “Oh, grow up!”, I won’t be repulsed by it, instead I will smile and say to myself, “Don’t mind if I do.”
Until next time, be well… oh, and don’t forget to enjoy some growing up.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!" - Anonymous
I love this quote because it reminds me to take chances and live life to the fullest. It is so easy to "play it safe" and let the fear (fear of taking a chance) dictate the next step.
Now I am not talking about taking chances that will place you in harm's way or hurt anyone around you. I am talking about the type of chances that move you forward, get you unstuck, and force you to step outside the box a bit.
Think about it...
Wouldn't it be much more fun to have an amazing ride through life rather than a careful drive going at a snail's pace? Think of all the great things you would be able to do and experience.
With that said, here is a challenge for you; think of one thing that you have always wanted to do, but where afraid to. It could be that you have always wanted to take a yoga class, but were too afraid that you would look silly. Maybe you have wanted to take a trip on your own, but feared you would get lost. Whatever it is, small thing or large thing, think about it...then set a date when you will take that chance and do that something you have always wanted to.
Hey, and if you need a little support and encouragement along the way, remember you are welcome to contact me or post here!!
Let the living begin. :)
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas A. Edison
Personally, I could not have stumbled upon this quote at a better time. To give you some background insight as to why... I am currently in the final stages of my graduate studies in Industrial/Organizational Psychology. It has been a fast and furious ride for the last 11 months.
The other day I was feeling so overwhelmed that the thought of throwing in the towel sounded pretty good. Yep, that would have been the easy thing to do, just chuck all my efforts and hard work down the drain when I am so close to the finish line. Sounds kind of silly, doesn't it?
The bottom line, what was at the core of my wanting to quit was not my feelings of being overwhelmed, but my fear of failing...of not being able to cut the mustard. The funny thing is, if I had quit, giving up on myself, my abilities and something I have worked so hard for... that would have been the ultimate failure.
Even Thomas Edison had his setbacks. He made 1000 light bulb attempts before finally creating the one that worked. Thomas did not view the 1000 attempts as failures, but rather as learning experiences that got him closer to success. He knew that with each attempt he was eliminating any possibility for failure.
I learned some valuable lessons this past week:
1) When I feel like quitting reaching out to friends, family and my own coach really makes a difference. It is with those people I can express my fears and talk them through.
2) Even if score lower than I would like on my finals or I struggle with a paper, just by trying I am succeeding.
Just remember; NEVER give up on yourself and the things you want. Doing so is the ultimate failure!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever. - Margaret Cho
I think this quote really says it all. It is not about the grandiose things, but about the small and simple things that really make a difference. Being generous with your time, your heart, your ability to listen and care goes a long way. Oh, and remember, generosity to oneself is just as important so don't forget to give to yourself!
Saturday, July 23, 2005
That wonderful title comes from an Off-Broadway musical that I saw many years ago when I was in New York. After its 3,000th performance it is still going strong, but I assure you the topic for this blog is not a review of the play. This week’s topic is about authenticity and being who you are despite what others want and expect.
How many times have you heard, “If you would only be more <fill in the blank>"
I remember being in a troubled long-term relationship and being told, “If you get fixed, we will be OK.” Fixed? I did not think I was broken and I hated feeling like I was not good enough when deep inside I knew that I was.
Sadly, I have to admit, I did something similar to someone I loved and cared about. While I did not imply that he needed to be fixed, I did communicate that I needed for him to be a certain way.
What an unfair thing for me to do, especially since I fell in love with him for who he was. Why ask him to change?
In part, that was the major 2x4 upside the head that made me realize that sometimes others' (including our own) expectations can be unreasonable and out of alignment with who we truly are as people. Make sense?
Square Peg Squished in a Round Hole
Not one human being on this planet is perfect… heck, we all come with a few warts. It is the warts (differences) that make us who we are as individuals; truly beautiful. So why on earth would you want to be that square peg being confined by that round hole?
When you are being asked to be something you are not, I encourage you to think about the following:
1) The change you are being asked to make, will it compromise your integrity and identity?
If so, is the situation worth losing who you are?
2) Think about your own standards and don’t let others’ standards define you. If it helps, make a list of those standards and get very clear on which ones are most important and are not worth sacrificing.
3) Most importantly, remember to always be YOURSELF and not what others wish for you to be. Who you are is amazing and if who you are is good enough for you, that is what matters.
As always, I welcome your thoughts, comments and questions. If you have something you wish to share on this topic, please feel free to do so.
Until next time, be well…
Saturday, July 16, 2005The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. - Anonymous
This is such a powerful quote for me. I have been known to settle... settle because I did not wish to rock the boat, settle because I was afraid of letting someone down, settle because I wanted to make others happy.
What I have learned and contine to learn, you never have to settle or sell yourself short. In doing so, the only person you truly let down, disappoint or upset is yourself. Think about it, don't you deserve the very best? Then why settle for less?
Saturday, July 09, 2005
A man's word is his bond. If his word is not worth anything, then neither is he. - Anonymous
This quote holds special meaning, not just because I grew up with it, but because it is important to me to be a person of integrity. When I give my word, it is honest and reliable...one you can always take to the bank.