Saturday, October 29, 2005
73 Pieces; Where’s the Glue?
It is never easy to have a relationship come to an end, regardless if you were the person to end it or on the receiving end. Heartbreak is bound to rear its ugly head...the feeling that your heart is in 73 different pieces and you are not sure where to start piecing it back together. Trust me, I understand that feeling...
I made the decision to end a long-term romantic relationship with an absolutely incredible man. I did not end this relationship because I no longer loved him, quite to the contrary. I ended the relationship because we lived 5000 miles apart and the distance was really making things very difficult for both of us.
Frankly, I disliked the person I was becoming around the distance issue; always questioning, wondering when we could be together. It did not feel good to harp and it was eating away at both of us. I realized that it was unfair to him and to me so I did the hardest thing in hopes of salvaging our friendship; a friendship that means the world to me.
So what do you do when your heart is in pieces?
The first inclination might be to get in bed and pull the covers over your head or to sit in a corner and cry your eyes out. Just know those feelings are natural and all a part of the healing process…
Feel your feelings through and try not to “stuff” them. Stuffing them will only prolong the healing process.
Talk about your feelings with someone you trust, someone who will be there to listen to you and support you. Often times sharing how you feel will help you to work through the pain and provide you with the things you need to start healing.
Realize that you are going to have good days and bad and that is OK…some days will be easier than others. Remember, take it one step at a time and go easy.
Be kind to yourself. This is probably the most important thing you can do. Try not to beat yourself up or call yourself names. You are already hurting, so why add to it? Instead, try to do something nice for you…get out with some friends, take a walk, read a book.
Give yourself time to heal. It is not uncommon to want to jump into another relationship when you are hurting. In doing so you are not giving yourself the time you need to resolve your feelings or to let go of any pain. Not only is this unfair to you, but it is also unfair to the new person in your life.
Trust yourself that you will do what you need to do to heal and move forward.
Just remember, you are always welcome to share your thoughts and feelings here. Please just be good to you and take care of you, because you are important.
Until next time, be well…
Pam
Posted by Pam at 3:31:14 PM in Creating Change (93) | Permalink | Comments (8)
Comments
Was the distance a very good reason to end a loving relationship or a lame duck excuse?True love needs true sacrifices to make the two ends meet.
One of you should have moved to be closer to the other.
I had a girlfriend who was over 20,000 miles away and she couldn't be with me except on holidays, so I moved to the city where she was living so that we could be near each other.
I advise you to reconsider your decision and think of the best case scenario without ending the loving relationship if truly you love this incredible and wonderful man.
True love takes time.
God bless.
Posted by Orikinla+Osinachi on 31/10/2005
Orikinla, thank you for sharing and for your response. Sadly, it is very difficult to have a long distance relationship and moving closer to one another was not an easy option. I commend you, however, for making that decision to move closer to your girlfriend.You are right, true love does take time and I have faith that with time what is meant to be will be. My greatest wish is for things to work out as they should. I just know in my heart that I do not wish to lose this person full stop. He is too special to me!Rather than have both of us in pain and struggling, trying to salvage our friendship was and is a priority. What is it they say..."If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, then it is meant to be." Or something like that any way. ;) Thank you again!!
Be well...
Pam
Posted by Pam on 31/10/2005
I, too, am in a long distance relationship and I honestly cannot fathom and could not do what you are doing.How can you decide to be with someone and then just give up before you gave it a proper shot? I worry about distance as well but when I worry I do have the confidence to harp about it as it doesn't happen very often and for the most part I am extremely happy and I think of those rare unhappy moments purely as what they are: rare unhappy moments and I don't let it eat at me.
With my relationship, I am in Australia and he is in New York but that doesn't matter to me. Over there is the man that I love more than any other man. Over there is the only man that I ever want to share myself with. Over there is the man that loves me just as much as I love him and seeing as I know what's in my heart I think that's worth fighting for.
I hope you end up with your friend. I honestly think that you just weren't ready yet and you have other things that you need to do before you take that final step.
I hope that my Honey Muffin never thinks that what you're doing is an option for him because if he was to do what you're doing, he would break my heart and cause irreparable damage and it took a long time and a lot of hard work for us to get where we are.
For him to throw it away now would kill me.
Good luck.
Posted by Deb on 31/10/2005
Hi Deb,Thank you for sharing what you did. I really do appreciate it.
You asked, "How can you decide to be with someone and then just give up before you gave it a proper shot?" That is a great question. In response, we had been together for quite a few years and to be honest, it was very hard only seeing one another once a year. I honestly did not like how I was responding to the distance and felt that out of love and respect, I needed to let go. The last thing on earth I wanted to do was cause pain...and that is what I felt was happening. I know that there is pain for both of us in ending this relationship, but I have faith that with time, we will be able to heal and rebuild...if not a romantic relationship, a wonderful friendship.
I want to wish you and your special man all the best in the world. You both keep loving one another and doing what your heart and your gut tell you to do. Just be true to yourselves and that will help see you right.
Again, thank you so much for sharing.
Be well...
Pam
Posted by Pam on 31/10/2005
Pam,I totally understand your decition. I also am in love with my Best Friend. In my case it is a bit different. I fell in love with him online, and he cares for me a lot but doesn't love me. We have never met. He started talking to another woman whom he had wanted to meet before me. I can not bring myself to quit talking with him. He is still my Best Friend first. I do love him and tell him so. Like you I let him go. I want him to be happy even if it means being with someone other than me.
We are still Best Friends and talk often on YIM. I understand why you want to preserve your friendship. I could never NOT be his friend. Even when I needed someone to talk to about being hurt by him going to the other woman, it was him I talked to.
I hope you find happiness, and that your friendship lasts for all time!
Take Care!
((HUGS))
Countess
Posted by Countess on 03/11/2005
Hi Countess,Thank you so much for your post. I greatly appreciate what you have shared and I am so sorry that you are experiencing pain. I commend you for your strength and courage and hope that you find great happiness too.
Please be well...
Pam
Posted by Pam on 03/11/2005
Breaking up is not easy to do. With it being a long term relationship, it was a brave move on your part. Well done.Posted by weenie on 04/11/2005
Weenie, thank you so much for your post and support. It is greatly appreciated.Be well...
Pam
Posted by Pam on 04/11/2005
