Saturday, October 15, 2005
Memories Can and Do Spur Change
The memory of a first kiss, the birth of your child, overcoming a huge obstacle, gaining a very important client; we all have memories large and small, happy or painful. Take a moment and sit quietly, recall one memory that was instrumental in motivating you to make a change.
A Painful Memory…
I was 21 years of age, but it in all honesty it seems like yesterday. Sometimes if I focus really hard I can smell the antiseptic and see the bright pink sign that hung on the outside of my grandmother’s hospital room door; “Beware of Infectious Materials” was printed in bold letters. Infectious materials? My grandmother was dying from lung cancer, what was infectious about cancer?
I remember reaching for the doorknob and as I started to enter the room a nurse stopped me and handed me a gown, gloves, a mask and instructed me to put them on. “Why? My grandmother has cancer. Why are we taking all the precautionary measures?” No answer.
I did as I was told any way.
The room was dark and it smelled of feces. My grandmother was sitting in a pair of “adult diapers”, rocking back and forth repeatedly saying, “It hurts, it hurts…make the pain go away.”
This woman who once was so strong and such a vital part of my life, looked so small, so frail and lost.
Finding Out the Truth
My grandmother did not pass away from lung cancer, my grandmother died from an AIDS-related illness. She contracted HIV from a blood transfusion she received in the mid-80s… we had no idea, not until she was in the hospital dying.
Her death was painful and it was hard to watch her suffer. I remember how angry I was, angry at the destructive disease that took her from us and then angry at the ignorance surrounding the disease.
“Anyone who gets AIDS deserves to die.” That was something someone said to me a few short weeks after we buried my grandmother. I was furious and could not believe the insensitivity. My first inclination was to lash out, to tell this person what a fool I thought they were. Instead I decided to become proactive, realizing that the comments made were probably made from a place of fear and misinformation. It was then that I got involved in AIDS education. The long and short, my grandmother and her story helped many youth avoid infection and stay safe, if not safer.
From a painful memory came something good; the opportunity to reach out to others, to empower them to stay educated and take responsibility for their well-being.
Your Memories
At the beginning of my entry I asked you to recall a memory, one that spurred you to make a change. What was it about that memory that motivated you? How did it motivate you? What change did you make and how did it make you feel? I am truly interested in hearing your thoughts so please feel free to share.
As always, I wish you well…
Pam
Posted by Pam at 3:05:30 PM in Pam's Ponderings (35) | Permalink | Comments (9)
Comments
I'm sorry for your loss, and for the insensitivity that you encountered.Posted by jay on 19/10/2005
Jay, thank you so much. I truly appreciate your comment.Be well...
Pam
Posted by Pam on 19/10/2005
One of the most heart-rending posts on human agony I have ever read in fact or fiction.An unforgettable experience.
Posted by Orikinla+Osinachi on 19/10/2005
Orikinla, thank you so much for your very kind comment and for reading my entry. :)Be well...
Pam
Posted by Pam on 19/10/2005
Thanks for making me relive my most significant memories!Dr. Fil
Posted by Dr. Fil on 21/10/2005
Nice entry...I remember strapping down my mom with my dad one night. Her tumor was growing into her brain and was making her lose it. She wanted to go for a walk. It was 3 in the morning and she couldn't even see anymore. She was crying and carrying on and telling us we were mean and so on.
There were 2 feelings I felt that night.
First was of the loss of my Mom. She died a few months later, but for me the woman I knew as my mom died that night.
Second, was hate. I hated everyone and everybody that night.
Ken
Posted by chench on 22/10/2005
Ken, bless your heart and thank you so much for sharing your memory. How painful that must have been for you and I am so sorry for the loss you experienced.I truly do understand the hate you felt and hope that has since subsided for you. Watching someone you love die really does illicit so many different and powerful emotions.
Ken, thank you again for sharing.
Be well... Pam
Posted by Pam on 22/10/2005
It's good to relive some of those painfull moments and feel them again. Reminds you of how short life is.I commented here almost a month ago and thought that I wouldn't come back to see if there were any follow up comments. Well, here I am.
It was good to share. Thank you.
Ken
Posted by Ken on 16/11/2005
Ken,Thank you for sharing and thank you for revisiting. I really appreciate it!!
Be well...
Pam
Posted by Pam on 16/11/2005
