Saturday, November 26, 2005

Open Mind, Open Heart

An open mind often leads to an open heart. - PT

On Thanksgiving Day I was in the kitchen cooking the Thanksgiving meal since I love to cook. Now it is normally tradition that when I am cooking large meals that I often grab a bunch of my favorite CDs and pull out the portable stereo. Thanksgiving Day was no exception to the rule as I popped in some music and turned up the volume.

I am cooking and dancing away, having a great time, when a family member comes into the kitchen and says, “You call this music?”…followed by some comments about how music today is not really music, it is just a bunch of beats and noise. OK…fair enough…

Then it struck me, had my family member stuck around long enough to listen to more of the music…I mean really listen...they may have found that what they shared in terms of their opinion on what music should be was actually not too dissimilar to what I was listening to. Sadly, they made what I call a surface level opinion and missed out on the opportunity to explore something new.

It is often too easy to render surface level opinions of what one sees or hears rather than really explore. Sometimes that comes down to…

The fear of the unknown…
A dislike for change…
Being set in one’s ways or beliefs…
Or even being opinionated.

I think it is important to know that being open-minded does not mean that one always has to agree with what they see or hear... bear in mind though that being open to exploring can be fun and eye-opening. Being open-minded often creates more space in one’s life for new opportunities, not to mention the chance to acquire a bit more knowledge. That can’t be a bad thing, can it?

Sometimes all it takes is…

Listening (really listening) to someone else’s point of view before rendering an opinion. OR
Trying something different, whether that is a new food or even new music.

As the quote says, “An open mind often leads to an open heart.”

Posted by Pam at 2:07:18 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (9)

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Gratitude

In the States, this is the time when we celebrate , a holiday centered on reflection and giving thanks. It happens to be one of my most favorite times of year, because it is hopefully a time when people stop and reflect on what they are most thankful for. (Side note: Part of moving forward positively and achieving what we wish to achieve is often driven by our recognizing the things that we are most grateful for.)

We do not have to wait for a holiday to remind us to be grateful, but in the spirit of the holidays, regardless of where you are in the world, please take some time to think of the things you are grateful for. Share them here, share them on your own blogs, share them with a friend or family member, write them down...It does not matter where you share, what matters is the actual sharing.

 

To get the sharing ball rolling, I would like to share some of the things I am most grateful for. Bear in mind, these are in no particular order and are being shared as they present themselves.

I am thankful for….

My son
My family
My
My friends
The health and well-being of my family and friends
My
My own
My clients and colleagues
The people who read this blog and share of themselves
My health and well-being
My home
My animals
The love I have in my life (which includes my own love for others)
The opportunity I have to complete my Masters
The experiences I have had that have helped me to grow
The bright future that lies ahead
My intuition
The lessons I have learned...even the ones I had to learn the hard way
The beautiful surroundings I have, which include nature
My spirituality
The ability to laugh at myself when I need to

Now it’s your turn. What are you most thankful for?

Until next time, please be well, enjoy this time in good health and spirit, and please keep sharing….

Pam

Posted by Pam at 4:30:46 PM in Creating Change (85) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Happiness...Apparently We Are On to Something

Check this Interesting stuff, don't you think?

Be well...

Pam

Posted by Pam at 5:14:43 PM in Pam's Ponderings (32) | Permalink | Comments (6)

It's All in the Attitude

Not too many months ago and I had the wonderful opportunity to interview a young woman for a position we were trying to fill for a client project. (Please bear in mind, we were conducting this interview virtually rather than face-to-face.)

Just recently I had the chance to have an amazing conversation (via IM) with her about cooking a turkey dinner for her husband’s office. OK, so you may be wondering why I considered a conversation about turkey cooking so amazing…because Jenn is in a wheelchair and she was cooking that turkey in a (as she would call it) “normal kitchen” where she had to (from her wheelchair) bend over the sink and bend over the turkey to de-bone it.

When I commended her for her efforts, her response was, “I love to cook so when I had the accident 11 years ago it didn’t stop me.”


I consider Jenn an inspiration and when I told her that she was, she said…

“Well thanks.....the way I figure it is life goes on, I have my brain and the only disfiguring injuries I had were road rash on my back, hand and a small wound on my neck....so I am VERY lucky.”

I then asked her a few more questions because I was not only touched by her courageousness, but her amazing attitude.
 

 

Me: How did you develop such a wonderful attitude?

Jenn: Well, I don’t know that I ever really developed it. I just had/have it. I have always had a great family and friends who kept me going for the hardest times. People have to stop focusing on the bad things. That is why people get so depressed and negative about life. They need to look at what they have, like I did and build on that. I am also very competitive and have a hard time letting things get me down. I guess I am just not going to let society tell me that just because I can’t walk, I can’t live a normal life....or at least as normal as I can. But that brings another question that I still don’t know the answer to. What is normal?

Me: Have there been times, particularly after your accident, where you felt like throwing in the towel or where you thought, "why me?" If so, what did you do to combat those feelings? If not, how come?

Jenn: Oh, there have been more times than I care to count that I have been to that point. But it has always been my friends and the thought of what it would do to those who love me IF I were to "throw in the towel." Why me? Because this is just the way things are for me and how it was supposed to happen for me. I am a Christian and I believe that God has me like this for a reason. I normally talk to friends, simply try to get my mind off of what is bothering me, any number of things that I can’t think of off the top of my head but I guess over all, I try my best to stay positive. I am not perfect by any means; I just make the best out of life with what I have.

I wish to thank Jenn for sharing her story with me and allowing me to share it with all of you. Again, I wish to commend her for not only her strength, but for serving as a reminder that it is, sometimes, all in the attitude.

As always, I welcome your thoughts and experiences.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 4:18:32 PM in Creating Change (85) | Permalink | Comments (1)

Saturday, November 12, 2005

100,000: Plain and Simple

It has been one week since I posted the entry and I wish to thank those people who have committed to being a part of either by or by posting here. It is wonderful to know that there are many who wish to help make this world a better place just by practicing one act of kindness a day.

An Update…

The commitment I made last week was to smile and say “hello” to at least one stranger a day and I did just that. The results were rather heartwarming… some people were caught off-guard and paused for a moment, but they actually smiled and said “hello” in return. Other people were quick to just smile and respond without hesitation or thought. Not one person ignored the “hello” and smile, not one person gave me a funny look as if they thought I had just jetted in from outer space. It was great!

Also, during the last week I did a search on using the words “kindness movement” and found some of the following great resources – people and organizations committed to sharing a bit of kindness in the world:

The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation


The Invite

Again, I wish to encourage and invite YOU to participate in this movement by committing to demonstrate one act of kindness each day. Remember, it does not have to be a large act, it can be something simple…

…holding the door open for someone.
…letting a fellow motorist merge into traffic in front of you.
…acknowledging a friend, family member, or co-worker for something they have done.
…saying “bless you” to a perfect stranger that has sneezed.


The Benefits of Participating

In return for participating you will receive…

…the warm feeling that comes from doing something really nice for someone else.

…the knowledge that you are making a difference in this world one person at a time.

…a chance to really shine as the kind person that you are.

The benefits are truly endless so what are you waiting for? Post your commitment here or feel free to send me an .

Oh, and please do not forget to invite your friends and loved-ones to join. Together I am hoping we can get at least 100,000 people to join us in  and truly help to make this world a kinder and gentler place one person at a time.

Until next time, please be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 1:36:58 PM in Pam's Ponderings (32) | Permalink | Comments (12)

Saturday, November 05, 2005

The Kindness Movement

Maybe it is just me, but the atmosphere around us feels to be one of imbalance, pain, fear, and anger. People seem to be acting out much more than before; sharing their impatience, saying hurtful things, making excuses for bad behavior to justify wrong doing. Frankly, it hurts my heart.

I know that we have faced many adversities in recent times, some natural and some man-made … , the ,the the in London, to name but a few. HOWEVER, now (more than ever) should be the time when we make an extra effort to be kinder and more loving to one another.

So, here is the charge...In July I wrote a blog entry about , please take a moment to read that entry. After doing so, make a commitment to do one kind thing a day (if you don't already) and share your commitment with someone, whether that is here or with a friend. By sharing it publicly you are not only making a statement, but you are creating accountability. Remember, the kind act does not have to be big or grandiose. It can be as simple and easy as smiling at a perfect stranger.

I'll be happy to start...

It is my commitment to say "hello" (with a smile) every day to someone I don't know.

This is not just an invitation to you, but to those you care about…ask them to join the Kindness Movement and together we can make a positive impact on the world, changing it for the better one person at a time.

What do you say? Will you join me?

Until next time, please be well...

Pam

 

Posted by Pam at 2:19:02 PM in Pam's Ponderings (32) | Permalink | Comments (12)

Saturday, October 29, 2005

73 Pieces; Where’s the Glue?

It is never easy to have a relationship come to an end, regardless if you were the person to end it or on the receiving end. Heartbreak is bound to rear its ugly head...the feeling that your heart is in 73 different pieces and you are not sure where to start piecing it back together. Trust me, I understand that feeling...

I made the decision to end a long-term romantic relationship with an absolutely incredible man. I did not end this relationship because I no longer loved him, quite to the contrary. I ended the relationship because we lived 5000 miles apart and the distance was really making things very difficult for both of us.

Frankly, I disliked the person I was becoming around the distance issue; always questioning, wondering when we could be together. It did not feel good to harp and it was eating away at both of us. I realized that it was unfair to him and to me so I did the hardest thing in hopes of salvaging our friendship; a friendship that means the world to me.

So what do you do when your heart is in pieces?

The first inclination might be to get in bed and pull the covers over your head or to sit in a corner and cry your eyes out. Just know those feelings are natural and all a part of the healing process…

Feel your feelings through and try not to “stuff” them. Stuffing them will only prolong the healing process.

Talk about your feelings with someone you trust, someone who will be there to listen to you and support you. Often times sharing how you feel will help you to work through the pain and provide you with the things you need to start healing.

Realize that you are going to have good days and bad and that is OK…some days will be easier than others. Remember, take it one step at a time and go easy.

Be kind to yourself. This is probably the most important thing you can do. Try not to beat yourself up or call yourself names. You are already hurting, so why add to it? Instead, try to do something nice for you…get out with some friends, take a walk, read a book.

Give yourself time to heal. It is not uncommon to want to jump into another relationship when you are hurting. In doing so you are not giving yourself the time you need to resolve your feelings or to let go of any pain. Not only is this unfair to you, but it is also unfair to the new person in your life.

Trust yourself that you will do what you need to do to heal and move forward.

Just remember, you are always welcome to share your thoughts and feelings here. Please just be good to you and take care of you, because you are important.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 3:31:14 PM in Creating Change (85) | Permalink | Comments (8)

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Second Class Citizen - NOT!

Pam, I have a client who is absolutely the most inconsiderate person in the world. First of all, my client has more money then he could ever spend and has the attitude that everyone should cater to him. He expects me to drop everything and run and basically treats me like a slave. I am damned tired of being treated like a second-class citizen! I have tried to talk with him to let him know that I do not like the way he has treated me, but it does not seem to make a difference. I am at a loss as to what to do!


Bless your heart!! First and foremost, you are NOT a second-class citizen and you do NOT deserve to be treated as one!

Second, I wish for you to ask yourself, is this a client that you truly need? If you were to let go of this client would you be jeopardizing your well-being?

If you answered "no", it may be time to let go of this client. Honestly, I am a firm believer that when we remove the negatives in our lives, we create the space for more positives to present themselves.

If you answered "yes", then how about setting a few goals that will help you move forward to more positive potentials? Goals that will you get to the place where feeling reliant on this client is no longer an issue. For example, "By "x-date" I will have two new clients". Then make a commitment to yourself to do one thing every day that will help you reach that goal. That one thing could be handing out your business card to someone, developing a referral program for your existing clients, making a few phone calls, or just sharing what you do with one new person a day.

In the meantime, know that it is OK to draw some boundaries. One of those boundaries could be placing your client on a schedule and sticking to that schedule. There is an old saying that I just love; "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

Whatever the boundary/boundaries you draw, just remember, no one has the right to make you feel less of a person. You are not less of a person!! You are a capable person, who adds great value!

I wish you the very best of luck and thank you so much for sharing!

Be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 2:53:20 PM in Ask Pam (3) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Memories Can and Do Spur Change

The memory of a first kiss, the birth of your child, overcoming a huge obstacle, gaining a very important client; we all have memories large and small, happy or painful. Take a moment and sit quietly, recall one memory that was instrumental in motivating you to make a change.

A Painful Memory…

I was 21 years of age, but it in all honesty it seems like yesterday. Sometimes if I focus really hard I can smell the antiseptic and see the bright pink sign that hung on the outside of my grandmother’s hospital room door; “Beware of Infectious Materials” was printed in bold letters. Infectious materials? My grandmother was dying from lung cancer, what was infectious about cancer?

I remember reaching for the doorknob and as I started to enter the room a nurse stopped me and handed me a gown, gloves, a mask and instructed me to put them on. “Why? My grandmother has cancer. Why are we taking all the precautionary measures?” No answer.

I did as I was told any way.

The room was dark and it smelled of feces. My grandmother was sitting in a pair of “adult diapers”, rocking back and forth repeatedly saying, “It hurts, it hurts…make the pain go away.”

This woman who once was so strong and such a vital part of my life, looked so small, so frail and lost.

Finding Out the Truth

My grandmother did not pass away from lung cancer, my grandmother died from an AIDS-related illness. She contracted HIV from a blood transfusion she received in the mid-80s… we had no idea, not until she was in the hospital dying.

Her death was painful and it was hard to watch her suffer. I remember how angry I was, angry at the destructive disease that took her from us and then angry at the ignorance surrounding the disease.

“Anyone who gets AIDS deserves to die.” That was something someone said to me a few short weeks after we buried my grandmother. I was furious and could not believe the insensitivity. My first inclination was to lash out, to tell this person what a fool I thought they were. Instead I decided to become proactive, realizing that the comments made were probably made from a place of fear and misinformation. It was then that I got involved in AIDS education. The long and short, my grandmother and her story helped many youth avoid infection and stay safe, if not safer.

From a painful memory came something good; the opportunity to reach out to others, to empower them to stay educated and take responsibility for their well-being.

Your Memories

At the beginning of my entry I asked you to recall a memory, one that spurred you to make a change. What was it about that memory that motivated you? How did it motivate you? What change did you make and how did it make you feel? I am truly interested in hearing your thoughts so please feel free to share.

As always, I wish you well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 3:05:30 PM in Pam's Ponderings (32) | Permalink | Comments (9)

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Trust Me

Self-trust is the first secret of success. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to trust ourselves. Trust that we will make the right decision. Trust that under pressure we will do the right thing. Trust that when placed in a difficult situation that we will be able to cope. Trust that we will say the right thing at the right time.

Sadly, the lack of self-trust is common and is often cultivated over years. Maybe as a child you were told that something you thought was silly. Maybe something you accomplished was laughed at or criticized…whatever the scenario, you may have learned early on not to trust yourself.

Each one of us has the ability to make the right decisions, to do the right things, to be who we need to be under any circumstance…we just have to begin to trust ourselves. How? By…

1) Listening to our gut instincts; that little twinge deep inside that indicates the best direction. As a child my dad used to say to me, “Pam, your gut instinct is right 99.9% of the time so always follow it.” Interestingly enough, the times I did not follow it were definitely the times I wish I had.

2) Being ourselves not something or someone that others expect us to be. You do not ever have to be that square peg squished in a round hole.

3) Being open to the possibilities and weighing options. My own coach (yep, even coaches have coaches) once asked me what I thought I could possibly do or possibly get myself in to (in a good way) if I truly and fully trusted myself. Wow! What a difference that question made… it made me really think of all the great possibilities and all the options I had available to me.

Just remember, YOU have what it takes so let the TRUSTING BEGIN.

, ,

Posted by Pam at 3:40:55 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (4)

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Stick a Fork in Me, I am Done!

The other day I was facilitating a group coaching call when I was asked how one can avoid being consumed by what they do to the point of burnout. This was an awesome question and one that resonated with the entire group, including me!

With pressure circling like a pack of vultures…pressure to excel, get the job done yesterday, meet demands, and make deadlines it is easy to feel consumed. Often when we have that feeling we forget that we are not super human and that we do need some time to recharge. Let’s face it, if you DO NOT take care of you, you can’t expect to be able to keep going at breakneck speed, be creative, have fun in what you do OR avoid burning out!

Recharging That Battery

Being good to you does not have to cost a fortune, cost you your job or cut into your family time. Frankly, not being good to you can cost you your health, hinder your ability to do your job or enjoy your family.

Here are just a few suggestions to help you avoid becoming fried to the point of crispiness…

1) If you are confined to your office, make it a point to get out of your chair, stretch your legs a bit and take a few deep breaths. Stretching and breathing is important to getting the blood flowing.

2) Try to get in some time for exercise a few times a week. A quick walk around the block will do wonders, believe me!

3) Get present! What that means…taking a moment to really pay close attention to what is happening around you. For example, if you are washing your hands, take notice of how the water feels and what the soap smells like. Being aware of what is going on around you even for a minute will help you to relax.

4) Schedule an appointment with yourself in your calendar each and every day. Make that YOUR time. Time that you will commit to yourself with no distractions.

Whatever the activity, please be sure to take some time to relax.

 

Until next time, please be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 3:15:03 PM in Creating Change (85) | Permalink | Comments (4)

Saturday, September 24, 2005

"Artistic Passion"

Let’s give ourselves the courage to keep going when no one else believes in us, the vision to be able to see past the fear to where beauty lies, passion for everything we do, truth in always listening to our inner selves and possibilities because anything is possible if we really believe. Let’s give ourselves the gift of responsibility so we may have a say in our lives! - joey

(This beautiful quote came attached to an adorable gift I received from my family.)

I know that it may not seem like it sometimes, especially when we are at the end of our rope, but answers, strength, beauty, and truly amazing wonders reside within all of us. Sometimes it just takes a bit of support or someone to ask some powerful questions…but the answers are there and will come to the surface.

Just remember when you feel at a crossroads, get stuck, or sense some frustration it helps to…

1) Sit quietly with yourself and listen to what is going on inside.

2) Reach out to someone you trust for a bit of support.

3) Do something nice for you, i.e. take a walk, soak in a tub, get a cone of ice cream.

4) Have faith in YOU, because there is truly nothing you cannot do!

Posted by Pam at 3:38:45 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (5)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Oh, to Be Successful!!

Success, what exactly does it mean to have success or be successful?

 

With the plethora of information available, from websites to books written on how to achieve the greatest success, it is something that often evades and even causes angst for many people. But why?

 

It’s not uncommon for people to equate success with the car one drives, the house someone lives in, the level of education achieved, the clothes worn… the list is endless. The bottom line...it is too common to equate success with money and material objects. Heck, I even grew up in a culture where the message was the more you had the more successful you were.

 

WRONG!!

 

Yep, that’s right; I am telling you that success does not have to be about how much money you make. Success is about who you are as a person and the things you bring to this world. It’s living your life to the best of your ability that makes you successful. 

 

To share a personal story with you…

 

I have, for years, struggled with the pressure that I should and need to be making six figures in order to prove that I am successful. As I said, I grew up with the message that to prove your success you have to have the cash in the bank.

 

Frankly, the pressure became so great that I completely forgot my focus, my purpose, and my ability to fully love what I do. It was awful! I let others dictate to me what it meant for me to be successful rather defining it for myself.

 

Then one day the light bulb went on. I finally came to realize that being successful meant so much more than about making money. It was then that my whole focus and direction changed.

 

Now, for me, success it is not about having a six figure coaching practice, it’s about living my life with passion and doing what I truly love to the best of my ability… it’s about...

 

being kind to others ...

putting a smile on someone's face...

making a positive difference with action and deed ...

being a good mother, a genuine and caring friend, a loving significant other, and supportive daughter.

 

Realizing this, everything has started falling into place. The pressure is gone… it's as if someone lifted a huge elephant off my chest.

 

YOU are a Success!

 

Are you feeling that pressure right now? Are you questioning your own success? If so, I would like to offer the following recommendations.

 

1) Don’t let anyone define success for you! (It is the easiest thing to do, especially when we are surrounded by all sorts of messages.) Think about what’s most important to you, what you consider success, and let that be your definition and guide.

 

2) Write down five ways in which you would like your success to be measured, ways that are above and beyond the material measurements. Please feel free to share what you have written right here.

 

I will be willing to bet that from your own discoveries, you are a HUGELY successful person!! Just remember, success does NOT have to be about fancy watches, designer shoes, and expensive cars. Success is about you and all that you do to make your world a better place.

 

Until next time, enjoy your success and be well…

 

Pam

Posted by Pam at 5:49:44 PM in Creating Change (85) | Permalink | Comments (2)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Stuck... In Need of a New Direction

Pam, I am 54 years of age and I feel like I am going absolutely no where right now. I am stuck in what feels like a dead-end life. I am looking for a new direction, but have no idea where to start. What can I do??

I truly wish to thank you for sharing... by doing so you have taken an important step forward. Often in sharing with others we find not only the strength and support we need, but we often find solutions.

I greatly appreciate where you are right now and understand how difficult it is to feel stuck. While this may not feel like the best place to be, and maybe it even feels a tad overwhelming, where you are is an important place to be. The reason... it indicates that you are ready to make a change or a shift in your life.

What I would like to recommend at this time are the following suggestions:

1) Block out at least an hour (more if possible) where you can spend a bit of quiet time. If it means turning off the phone, going to your local library or a quiet spot outside, great. This is going to be your time! Time for some discovery so the less distractions the better.

During this time grab a piece of paper and pen and start making a list of all the things that excite you. Things that ignite a fire or that you feel passionate about it. Try not to analyze this list as you are making it, just free write and capture the things that come to the surface. After you are done with the list, put it in a safe place. Then in a few days time, take your list out and look it over.

Are there things on this list that you can do now? Things that will help you to change your direction. Is there something on this list that you are really passionate about, something that you could potentially do as a side project or even a new career? Are there activities on this list that you have always wanted to try, but never have for various and assorted reasons? If so, make a date with yourself to try one of these activities. If you are nervous about doing so, find a friend that would be willing to try your activity too.

2) If you are feeling stuck in your job, now would be a great time to take a look at all the wonderful skills you have to offer. Are there any skills that are not being utilized in your job? If so, brainstorm with a colleague and come up with a list of work-related activities that can  easily be created. For example, if you are a person who loves to throw parties and you are a fantastic cook, why not try to organize pot luck lunches on Fridays, where everyone brings a favorite dish along with the recipes to share. You would be amazed at some of the things that can develop (ideas, new roles, great friendships) from something that may seem relatively simple and basic.

As a final thought; try and remember that it is never too late for a change…no matter what age or stage you are in life. Change is a part of growth and can be fun. It can be a time of exploration. Most importantly keep sharing your thoughts and feelings, either with people you can trust or in a journal. Sharing is vital.

I wish you the very best and again, thank you for sharing!

Be well,

Pam

Posted by Pam at 4:48:37 PM in Ask Pam (3) | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Let's Band Together

I recently received a sad e-mail from my mother who reported that a dear friend who moved to New Orleans to retire had lost everything due to Katrina's devastation. Her home, which she put a lot of love and energy into fixing up, her life momentos, such as her mother's china, her children's pictures..everything. My mother's story of her friend is not uncommon..there are stories of others just like her who have lost their homes and worse, lost loved ones. We have seen the pictures and read the stories ourselves. Stories about dead bodies floating in the streets, stories of looting... it's endless.

Now is the time for action. Let's band together as a nation, no.. as a world full of compassionate people and help. It does not have to take much, even $5 goes a long way. If you are unable to donate money, please consider donating clothing and bedding to your local religious institutions and public schools, as many are collecting items to send. Please, won't you help?

Posted by Pam at 5:28:38 PM in Heart Strings (5) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Finding that Perfect Person

Does that perfect person exist? You know, that someone who always says and does the right thing, acts just as we wish for them to… in essence the perfect Mr. or Miss. Right.

Some people think that such a person exists and they spend years with eyes wide open, searching. There are even television programs based on finding that “perfect person”.

 

How do I know?

OK, I admit it, one night while flipping through the channels I came across a program on dating. Long story, short…a young woman in need of dating help, sat for what seemed forever, sharing a huge laundry list of qualities she was looking for in her “Mr. Right”. With high hopes and unrealistic expectations, she turned to the “dating experts” to help her attract her “Mr. Right”.

Why did I find this program so amusing? Because it brought back memories of “the list” I created when I was younger – while my list was not nearly as long and exhausting, I had one.

I’ll be honest, with my mental list in hand I too tried to find my perfect “Mr. Right”. Looking back, I was young, impressionable, and very unrealistic. Years later, after experiencing a divorce and coming to terms with the reality that my expectations were so far out in left field, I made a break-thru in my thinking. Hey, let’s face it; I am far from perfect, so how could I possibly expect someone else to be?

Don’t get me wrong, I am really not as skeptical as I might sound. While I don’t believe that the perfect “Mr. Right” exists, I do believe that a “just right” person does. There is that someone (for everyone) who brings to a relationship many wonderful qualities, not to mention a few flaws -- that's what makes us all exciting and different.

 

Something to Consider

While we can draft requirement lists for our significant others or potentials, the bottom line is, we have to be fair to ourselves and to those wondrous people in our lives. There is not a person out there that is perfect and if we are trying to find a perfect person we may just overlook that very special person who is “just right” (and no, I am not promoting settling here). It is important to remember…

He may be funny and caring, but he snores. She may be nurturing and independent, but bites her nails. Weigh the positives of your “just right” person – I bet they outweigh the negatives.

Oh and by embracing the positives and potentials, I assure you, you will release some pressure and start to have a bit of fun...in your current relationship OR in the dating process. With that said, I will leave you with one last thought, one that was shared on that dating show…be sure not to ask for anything that you can’t or aren’t willing to offer yourself.

Think about it.

Until next time, be well…

 

Pam

Posted by Pam at 5:03:53 PM in Creating Change (85) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Brought a Tear to My Eye

The following is a beautiful story that was sent to me by a dear friend. Now, I do not know if the story is true, but the message is profound and it serves as a great reminder!


RED MARBLES

Babs Miller was bagging some early potatoes for me. I noticed a small boy,delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller and the ragged boy next to me.

"Hello Barry, how are you today?"

"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. Sure look good."

"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"

"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."

"Good. Anything I can help you with?"

"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."

"Would you like to take some home?"

"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."

"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"

"All I got's my prize marble here."

"Is that right? Let me see it."

"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."

"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?"

"Not zackley but almost."

"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble."

"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, perhaps."

I left the stand smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering.

Several years went by, each more rapid that the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his viewing that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts ... all very professional looking.

They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and mentioned the story she had told me about the marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about! They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size ... they came to pay their debt."

"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today .. I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ... . A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself . An unexpected phone call from an old friend .. Green stoplights on your way to work . The fastest line at the grocery store . A good sing-along song on the radio. Your keys right where you left them.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.
 
- Author Unknown

Posted by Pam at 3:39:00 AM in Heart Strings (5) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Egos the Size of the Grand Canyon

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. - Lucille S. Harper

What is an egotist?

An egotist is someone who is very much driven by their own sense of achievement and their own feeling of importance. Outwardly, they are quite keen to talk about themselves in glowing and positive terms and will seek the same from others. Similarly, an egotist will seek to gain credit for themselves, and it is not uncommon to do so at the expense of other people or by ignoring team efforts.

Relationships (personal and professional) with an egotist can also be rather difficult and stifling, as there is little room for them, their ego, and yourself. Never fear, while egotists can be rather frustrating, there are a few things you can do which will help.

1) Try and never take what an egotist says personally. Remember, it is not about you, it is about them.

2) Limit your time with the person, keeping conversations to a minimum when at all possible.

3) When the egotist gets your dander up, rather than add fuel to the fire, take a few deep breaths before commenting. Coming from a calm and rational place will help you to deal more constructively.

Most importantly, if you find yourself at wits end, find someone you can talk with. Someone who will lend an ear and some support. As always, you are welcome to share right here! Stories, comments, suggestions, and tips are always welcome!

Posted by Pam at 9:11:27 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (3)

Burning Questions? ASK AWAY!

Sometimes we get a bit stuck or we find ourselves feeling a bit frustrated with our current situation. It happens to the best of us, but that does not mean that we have to get unstuck or deal with those frustrations alone.

How It Works

This is the place where you can ask a question and share without fear that your identity will be shared with others.

1) Send an e-mail to me with your concerns, issues, questions, quandaries, but first, please be sure to read About this Blog - Terms of Use.

2) I will post your submission (removing your e-mail address and name) along with a response.

3) After your question with my response is posted, others will be encouraged and enabled to provide their support and suggestions.

Kinda like "Dear Abby" in the hope that you receive the support and encouragement you need to make some great steps forward.

I look forward to hearing from you! 

Pam


Posted by Pam at 7:00:03 PM in Ask Pam (3) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, August 20, 2005

“Oh, Grow Up!”

I used to hate that phrase whether it was directed at me or at someone else. It used to make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

As of late, I have gained a new appreciation for that phrase. Why? Well, because as adults we often think that growing up is something that ONLY kids do, but you know what? Adults grow up too. I know, because just recently I did some growing up of my own.

 

To explain…

Last Thursday was my son’s first day in middle school and I have to admit I was nervous as heck. I remember middle school and I remember what a major change it was…going from the safety of elementary school where you had one classroom to a new world where you were responsible for changing classes, remembering a locker combination, navigating around a different campus, getting to class on time…ACK, the pressure.

Frankly, I was a scared for him. Not because I did not think he could handle it. My son is a bright kid and I knew he could handle the change… I was not sure I could. With this transition came the realization that he was no longer a little boy. I knew it was time to let him spread his wings and begin to soar.

 

With Growth...

 

…comes learning to let go.

Yep, that is what I did, I actually learned to let go this last week. I learned to have faith in myself as a parent and faith in what I have taught my son; to know right from wrong, to be a good person, to take responsibility, and to welcome change and grow with it. Most importantly, I learned that by letting go, that did not mean that I literally had to let go of my son…it meant that I was providing him with the room he needs to blossom and shine.

The results were amazing…not only did I grow this week, but so did he and we both had a bit of fun in the process! Now, if I ever hear the phrase, “Oh, grow up!”, I won’t be repulsed by it, instead I will smile and say to myself, “Don’t mind if I do.”

 

Until next time, be well… oh, and don’t forget to enjoy some growing up. 

 

Pam

Posted by Pam at 5:31:29 PM in Creating Change (85) | Permalink | Comments (0)