> Who Do You Think You Are?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Who Do You Think You Are?

Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt. - William Shakespeare

Have you ever NOT done something because that little voice in the back of your head (your self-doubter) told you it was silly? Or asked, “You can’t do this so why try?”

I will raise my hand and admit that I have allowed my little self-doubter to stand in my way a time or two. Interestingly enough when I began coaching (and even now from time-to-time) my self-doubter piped up to say, “Who the hell do you think you are thinking you can be a good coach? You have got to be kidding!”

And you know, I almost gave in…I began to really question myself and my abilities. However, instead of throwing in the towel on my dream and passion, I found the motivation I needed to kick my self-doubter right in the backside. (Gosh, what a travesty it would have been if I had given up on something I truly love doing.)

So now when my self-doubter rears its little head, rather than listen to it and give up, I listen to it and acknowledge its contributions. Rather than say, “Oh, OK..you’re right. What was I thinking?” I say, “Thank you for acknowledging my abilities with your question. I really value you sharing and you know, I can do this!”

The next time your self-doubter tries to stop you from trying something new, following a dream, doing something you really want to do, give the following a whirl…

- Don’t view your self-doubter as a traitor, but as your ally and motivator. Listen to the questions and criticism and develop a positive response that you can use. Remember, the more you use that positive response, the more you will feel it and so will your self-doubter.

- Trust in yourself and in your instincts that you can do and be what you want. Follow your heart and your gut.

- Most importantly, try to never mistake your self-doubter for a gut instinct. Gut instincts come from deep in your belly. They are there to help keep you safe and guide you in positive directions. Self-doubters come from your head, which is where fear resides.

Always remember that you deserve to succeed and no self-doubter has the right to take that away from you!

Posted by Pam at 1:57:37 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (14)

Comments

I really like this blog. Its very inspiring. As an up and coming actor, I need something like this.

J.R

Posted by J.R on 11/12/2005

J.R, thank you so much. I am glad you find this blog helpful and hope that you continue visiting.

I wish you all the luck in the world with your up and coming acting career.

Be well..

Pam

Posted by Pam on 11/12/2005

How do you help someone else who is a lifelong self doubter? I tell them all the things you mention in your post but they never follow through or are unable to. Ken

Posted by Ken on 12/12/2005

Ken, that is a great question. First, I want to commend you for caring and wishing to try and help someone who struggles with self doubt.

In response, I know it is difficult to sit by and watch someone go 30 rounds with themself. From my own personal experience, I have found that asking questions around self doubt (i.e. where it is coming from, what would help to deal with it) helps the person discover what is at the root of the self doubt and how to develop strategies that resonant.

It can also be very helpful to make a point of acknowledging/commending that person for something that they do really well. However, it is important that the acknowledgement be genuine and not something that is said to just bolster.

Those are just a few suggestions that I hope will help. Thank you again for the great question!

Be well...

Pam

Posted by Pam on 12/12/2005

Great article and the rest is quality too, I don't know how I missed this blog by searching for other inspirational blogs! Putting to my "visit often" list:) I've experienced the self-doubter you describe too, it was ruling my life for many years but luckily I've learned to "persuade" him I'm the one in the command of my life.

Posted by RC on 13/12/2005

Hi RC!

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback. I appreciate you visiting and taking the time.

Well done for developing a strategy that helps you to deal with your self-doubter! Keep up the awesome work and do feel free to share or ask questions any time.

Be well..

Pam

Posted by Pam on 13/12/2005

people are afraid to take risk because they fear failure. they lack the self-confidence to want to do something different. they want to leap forward, but are not sure that the boulder in their way can be moved.

i talked to lots of people like these, and found out that what they need is not someone who tells them "you can do it", but someone who actually does it with them. it lifts their spirits and when spirits are lifted, things work wonders. =)

Posted by liuhua on 15/12/2005

I think I can, I think I can....hey, you really inspired me to just go and do it!! Only, now what was I going to do again?

Posted by dotbar on 15/12/2005

LOL, dotbar! :) Well, it will come back to you I am sure...just keep thinking you can. ;)

Be well...

Pam

Posted by Pam on 15/12/2005

1 wweek...no updates? =(

Posted by liuhua on 17/12/2005

Hi Liuhua! Thank you so much for your question and interest in Make the Most of U. :)It means a great deal to have people visit on a regular basis.

In response, I post a new entry every weekend. As a matter of fact, I am in the process of writing about something that just...well...made me want to cry. Stay tuned. :)

Be well...

Pam

Posted by Pam on 17/12/2005

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Ana on 20/08/2008

This is a fabulous blog. And so are your group coaching sessions Pam!!
Regarding my little self-doubter, I just caught it going:

"no, you sure can't contribute to this blog..."

and then my immediate response was "why?" Big mistake. It just came back with all the reasons why. So I said:

"you may be right, I still will do it anyhow" and here I am :)
My self-doubter gets stronger with questions that feed it, such as "why". It gets weaker with acknowledgement and then doing what I want.

Keep up the excellent work Pam

Lots of love.
Marien

Posted by Marien on 02/09/2008

Marien, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing! I am so glad you posted. Great strategy for dealing with your self doubter. Kudos to you!!!

Please be well and keep up the awesome work!!

Pam

Posted by Pam on 03/09/2008