> August 2005

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Brought a Tear to My Eye

The following is a beautiful story that was sent to me by a dear friend. Now, I do not know if the story is true, but the message is profound and it serves as a great reminder!

RED MARBLES

Babs Miller was bagging some early potatoes for me. I noticed a small boy,delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller and the ragged boy next to me.

"Hello Barry, how are you today?"

"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. Sure look good."

"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"

"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."

"Good. Anything I can help you with?"

"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."

"Would you like to take some home?"

"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."

"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"

"All I got's my prize marble here."

"Is that right? Let me see it."

"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."

"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?"

"Not zackley but almost."

"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble."

"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, perhaps."

I left the stand smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering.

Several years went by, each more rapid that the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his viewing that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts ... all very professional looking.

They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and mentioned the story she had told me about the marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about! They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size ... they came to pay their debt."

"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today .. I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ... . A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself . An unexpected phone call from an old friend .. Green stoplights on your way to work . The fastest line at the grocery store . A good sing-along song on the radio. Your keys right where you left them.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them. - Author Unknown

Posted by Pam at 3:39:00 AM in Heart Strings (5) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Egos the Size of the Grand Canyon

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. - Lucille S. Harper

What is an egotist?

An egotist is someone who is very much driven by their own sense of achievement and their own feeling of importance. Outwardly, they are quite keen to talk about themselves in glowing and positive terms and will seek the same from others. Similarly, an egotist will seek to gain credit for themselves, and it is not uncommon to do so at the expense of other people or by ignoring team efforts.

Relationships (personal and professional) with an egotist can also be rather difficult and stifling, as there is little room for them, their ego, and yourself. Never fear, while egotists can be rather frustrating, there are a few things you can do which will help.

1) Try and never take what an egotist says personally. Remember, it is not about you, it is about them.

2) Limit your time with the person, keeping conversations to a minimum when at all possible.

3) When the egotist gets your dander up, rather than add fuel to the fire, take a few deep breaths before commenting. Coming from a calm and rational place will help you to deal more constructively.

Most importantly, if you find yourself at wits end, find someone you can talk with. Someone who will lend an ear and some support. As always, you are welcome to share right here! Stories, comments, suggestions, and tips are always welcome!

Posted by Pam at 9:11:27 PM in Quotes with Impact (32) | Permalink | Comments (3)

Burning Questions? ASK AWAY!

Sometimes we get a bit stuck or we find ourselves feeling a bit frustrated with our current situation. It happens to the best of us, but that does not mean that we have to get unstuck or deal with those frustrations alone.

How It Works

This is the place where you can ask a question and share without fear that your identity will be shared with others.

1) Send an e-mail to me with your concerns, issues, questions, quandaries, but first, please be sure to read About this Blog - Terms of Use.

2) I will post your submission (removing your e-mail address and name) along with a response.

3) After your question with my response is posted, others will be encouraged and enabled to provide their support and suggestions.

Kinda like "Dear Abby" in the hope that you receive the support and encouragement you need to make some great steps forward.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Pam

Posted by Pam at 7:00:03 PM in Ask Pam (6) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, August 20, 2005

“Oh, Grow Up!”

I used to hate that phrase whether it was directed at me or at someone else. It used to make the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

As of late, I have gained a new appreciation for that phrase. Why? Well, because as adults we often think that growing up is something that ONLY kids do, but you know what? Adults grow up too. I know, because just recently I did some growing up of my own.

To explain…

Last Thursday was my son’s first day in middle school and I have to admit I was nervous as heck. I remember middle school and I remember what a major change it was…going from the safety of elementary school where you had one classroom to a new world where you were responsible for changing classes, remembering a locker combination, navigating around a different campus, getting to class on time…ACK, the pressure.

Frankly, I was a scared for him. Not because I did not think he could handle it. My son is a bright kid and I knew he could handle the change… I was not sure I could. With this transition came the realization that he was no longer a little boy. I knew it was time to let him spread his wings and begin to soar.

With Growth...

…comes learning to let go.

Yep, that is what I did, I actually learned to let go this last week. I learned to have faith in myself as a parent and faith in what I have taught my son; to know right from wrong, to be a good person, to take responsibility, and to welcome change and grow with it. Most importantly, I learned that by letting go, that did not mean that I literally had to let go of my son…it meant that I was providing him with the room he needs to blossom and shine.

The results were amazing…not only did I grow this week, but so did he and we both had a bit of fun in the process! Now, if I ever hear the phrase, “Oh, grow up!”, I won’t be repulsed by it, instead I will smile and say to myself, “Don’t mind if I do.”

Until next time, be well… oh, and don’t forget to enjoy some growing up.

Pam

Posted by Pam at 5:31:29 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Living Life

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!" - Anonymous

I love this quote because it reminds me to take chances and live life to the fullest. It is so easy to "play it safe" and let the fear (fear of taking a chance) dictate the next step.

Now I am not talking about taking chances that will place you in harm's way or hurt anyone around you. I am talking about the type of chances that move you forward, get you unstuck, and force you to step outside the box a bit.

Think about it...

Wouldn't it be much more fun to have an amazing ride through life rather than a careful drive going at a snail's pace? Think of all the great things you would be able to do and experience.

With that said, here is a challenge for you; think of one thing that you have always wanted to do, but where afraid to. It could be that you have always wanted to take a yoga class, but were too afraid that you would look silly. Maybe you have wanted to take a trip on your own, but feared you would get lost. Whatever it is, small thing or large thing, think about it...then set a date when you will take that chance and do that something you have always wanted to.

Hey, and if you need a little support and encouragement along the way, remember you are welcome to contact me or post here!!

Let the living begin. :)

Posted by Pam at 4:09:46 PM in Quotes with Impact (32) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Failure, At What Cost?

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas A. Edison

Personally, I could not have stumbled upon this quote at a better time. To give you some background insight as to why... I am currently in the final stages of my graduate studies in Industrial/Organizational Psychology. It has been a fast and furious ride for the last 11 months.

The other day I was feeling so overwhelmed that the thought of throwing in the towel sounded pretty good. Yep, that would have been the easy thing to do, just chuck all my efforts and hard work down the drain when I am so close to the finish line. Sounds kind of silly, doesn't it?

The bottom line, what was at the core of my wanting to quit was not my feelings of being overwhelmed, but my fear of failing...of not being able to cut the mustard. The funny thing is, if I had quit, giving up on myself, my abilities and something I have worked so hard for... that would have been the ultimate failure.

Even Thomas Edison had his setbacks. He made 1000 light bulb attempts before finally creating the one that worked. Thomas did not view the 1000 attempts as failures, but rather as learning experiences that got him closer to success. He knew that with each attempt he was eliminating any possibility for failure.

I learned some valuable lessons this past week:

1) When I feel like quitting reaching out to friends, family and my own coach really makes a difference. It is with those people I can express my fears and talk them through.

2) Even if score lower than I would like on my finals or I struggle with a paper, just by trying I am succeeding.

Just remember; NEVER give up on yourself and the things you want. Doing so is the ultimate failure!

Posted by Pam at 3:43:28 PM in Quotes with Impact (32) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Small Things Matter

Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever. - Margaret Cho

I think this quote really says it all. It is not about the grandiose things, but about the small and simple things that really make a difference. Being generous with your time, your heart, your ability to listen and care goes a long way. Oh, and remember, generosity to oneself is just as important so don't forget to give to yourself!

Posted by Pam at 2:38:25 PM in Quotes with Impact (32) | Permalink | Comments (2)

Saturday, July 23, 2005

"I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change"

That wonderful title comes from an Off-Broadway musical that I saw many years ago when I was in New York. After its 3,000th performance it is still going strong, but I assure you the topic for this blog is not a review of the play. This week’s topic is about authenticity and being who you are despite what others want and expect.

How many times have you heard, “If you would only be more <fill in the blank>" OR “I need for you to be <fill in the blank>”? Even as a child you may have heard, “Children should be seen and not heard”. Let’s not forget some of the cultural messages we receive, for example, being considered successful if you have a certain amount of money in your bank account, drive a certain car or wear particular clothes.

I remember being in a troubled long-term relationship and being told, “If you get fixed, we will be OK.” Fixed? I did not think I was broken and I hated feeling like I was not good enough when deep inside I knew that I was.

Sadly, I have to admit, I did something similar to someone I loved and cared about. While I did not imply that he needed to be fixed, I did communicate that I needed for him to be a certain way.

What an unfair thing for me to do, especially since I fell in love with him for who he was. Why ask him to change?

In part, that was the major 2x4 upside the head that made me realize that sometimes others' (including our own) expectations can be unreasonable and out of alignment with who we truly are as people. Make sense?

Square Peg Squished in a Round Hole

Not one human being on this planet is perfect… heck, we all come with a few warts. It is the warts (differences) that make us who we are as individuals; truly beautiful. So why on earth would you want to be that square peg being confined by that round hole?

When you are being asked to be something you are not, I encourage you to think about the following:

1) The change you are being asked to make, will it compromise your integrity and identity?

If so, is the situation worth losing who you are?

2) Think about your own standards and don’t let others’ standards define you. If it helps, make a list of those standards and get very clear on which ones are most important and are not worth sacrificing.

3) Most importantly, remember to always be YOURSELF and not what others wish for you to be. Who you are is amazing and if who you are is good enough for you, that is what matters.

As always, I welcome your thoughts, comments and questions. If you have something you wish to share on this topic, please feel free to do so.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 3:30:08 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Settling

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. - Anonymous

This is such a powerful quote for me. I have been known to settle... settle because I did not wish to rock the boat, settle because I was afraid of letting someone down, settle because I wanted to make others happy.

What I have learned and contine to learn, you never have to settle or sell yourself short. In doing so, the only person you truly let down, disappoint or upset is yourself. Think about it, don't you deserve the very best? Then why settle for less?

Posted by Pam at 3:50:35 PM in Quotes with Impact (32) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Integrity

A man's word is his bond. If his word is not worth anything, then neither is he. - Anonymous

This quote holds special meaning, not just because I grew up with it, but because it is important to me to be a person of integrity. When I give my word, it is honest and reliable...one you can always take to the bank.

Posted by Pam at 4:53:44 PM in Quotes with Impact (32) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Kindness is Contagious

I awoke on Thursday, like many of us, to the news of the bombings in London and thoughts of 9-11 went racing through my head. It was all too much and frankly it left me feeling sad and extremely angry. I found myself asking where all the kindness had gone and why there was so much hatred in the world today.

What could I possibly do to infuse some kindness into the world around me? Then it hit me and I recalled the following little trinket.

Out of the Mouths of Babes…

When my son was in fourth grade (I remember this day like it was yesterday), he shared an amazing epiphany with me on the way to school, which went something like this…

A: Mom, I have a theory.
Me: What’s your theory?
A: Well, first I have a question to ask. When you see a glass partially filled with water, do you see the glass half empty or half full?
Me: I see the class half full.
A: That means you are an optimist.
Me: Yes, I am.
A: Well, let’s take that same glass and think of it in terms of kindness. For each act of kindness you do, you receive a drop of water. If you are really kind, your glass begins to over-flow.
Me: ::::sitting silent with jaw dropping to the floor:::::
A: If you are not a very kind person and you do mean things to others, you get a drop of water taken out of your glass. The more mean things you do, the less water you have until your glass is empty. If your glass is empty you have less chance of having nice things happen to you.
Me: :::still sitting in amazement::::
A: HOWEVER, if you are a really kind person and your glass is overflowing, the water from your glass will trickle into other people’s glasses, because Mom, kindness is contagious, just like a cold.
Me: Where did that come from, Sweetie?
A: My head

It Only Takes One Small Act…

..to touch, to make a difference, to share goodness. Think about it… How did you feel the last time a perfect stranger smiled at you and said, “Hello”? OR The time when a perfect stranger opened the door for you or helped you pick up something you dropped? Did that leave you with a nice feeling?

If EVERY single person made it a point to share one act of kindness EVERY day, what a wonderful place this would be. Sound simple? It is and it does make a huge difference in the lives of others and in your own.

It does not have to be a grandiose gesture or even one that takes a large amount of energy. It can be as small as the following:

1) Opening the door for someone.

2) Saying “Bless you” when someone sneezes.

3) Allowing someone to merge into traffic during rush hour.

4) Complimenting a colleague on something they have done.

5) Telling someone close to you how much they mean to you.

6) Hugging a friend out of the blue.

7) Letting someone with fewer groceries go in front of you in the checkout line.

With those ideas in mind I challenge you. Make it a point for the next four weeks to share a positive act with someone every day. At the end of every week, please post here and share some of the things you did, how it made you feel, and the results from your random acts of kindness.

You can do this, we all can – we can make a positive change, one person at a time.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 3:06:53 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Drawing Boundaries

Throughout the course of my life I have sometimes found it really difficult to “draw a line in the sand”. I have stumbled over being clear on my boundaries and being afraid to uphold them. Oftentimes, I have felt guilty, as if I am letting someone down or opening myself up for criticism. OK, so maybe it is the fear of being seen as difficult… who knows?!

What I have found (and learning all the time), by not drawing that line, I have sometimes placed myself in the position of being walked over and taken for granted. Not only have I not done myself any favors, but a) I have enabled the development of a potentially destructive pattern and b) I have not done others any favors either. (Besides, it is not fun feeling angry and resentful.)

We’ve all been there…

…The client asking for just one more thing, while behind on a payment;
…A friend who takes and hardly gives in return;
…The family member who is constantly in a pickle and calls on you to bail them out time and time again.

Left feeling bruised and spent, is that the time when a person says, “Enough is enough?”

It’s OK to Say “No!”

When you are in difficult place, one where you may be taken advantage of, think of the following:

1)    No one deserves to be walked upon or treated as a second-class citizen. It is OK to take that stick out and draw that line if you are about to be rolled over.
2)    Be true to yourself, your integrity and what you hold near and dear in your heart. Use your gut instincts as a guiding force for upholding your boundaries or even developing new ones. (I was once told that your gut instincts are 99% right – it’s true.)
3)    Remember, you have to look yourself in the face every morning. If going against your boundaries is going to prevent you from being able to do so…the answer is simple, “draw a line”.

Just remember, while upholding your boundaries might be difficult, in the long run it will produce amazing results. You’re worth that!!

As always, if something about this entry has triggered a thought, feeling, suggestion, question or comment, please feel free to share. I welcome your contributions always.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 2:47:10 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Conquering the Fear Within

I have a tendency to dream really big, thinking of all the things I wish to do, the places I wish to go and where I wish to be in future times to come. BUT and that’s a big “but”, with the excitement of developing and thinking of my dreams also comes the most gut wrenching fear imaginable… the “What if I can’t make my dreams a reality?”, “What if I fail?”, “Can I really do this?” type of fear.

Does that sound familiar?

I realize that I am not alone in feeling fears, especially when it comes to change. Everyone has fears and change can be a very scary prospect. It’s that fear of the unknown that kicks in and grabs you right in the gut. So what do you do about it? How do you move past the fear and on to the good stuff?

Time to Face the Fear

First it is important to realize that change is good, dreams are wonderful and fear is something to leverage rather than get caught up in. Fear does not have to hold you hostage and can even act as a motivator.

When fear rears its ugly head, give the following suggestions a try:

1) Write your fears down on a piece of paper. Really think and feel them through ..What do they look like? Where do they come from? Why do they scare you so much? Get it all down on paper.

2) Next to each fear, write down the worst thing that could possibly happen if that fear became a reality.

3) Then for every fear try to create a positive thought or even an affirmation that you can think or say when that fear is present.

4) Visualize the fear as an object that can’t hurt you, one that you can discard, for example, see the fear as a piece of paper that you rip to shreds. (If it helps take the piece of paper where you have written down your fears and literally rip it to pieces or even set it aflame.)

I invite you to challenge your fear and stare it square in the eye. Realize that you do not have to face fear alone. Understand and feel that you can make your dreams a reality, accept change and move forward in spite of fear. You have what it takes within you!

As always, if something about this entry has triggered a thought, feeling, suggestion, question or comment, please feel free to share. I welcome your contributions always.

Until next time, be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 5:48:29 PM in Creating Change (105) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Power of Positive Thinking

Imagine being 17, you’re contemplating where you want to go with your life, trying to fit in with the cliques, do well in school and deal with the usual teenage pressures. (Bring back memories?)

Then, what seems out of nowhere you receive a trinket of advice, “Happiness is a switch in your head and you don’t have to reach for it through your rectal orifice.”

OK, how is that supposed to help and what does it mean??

Now let’s fast forward a bit….

Several years ago, I think I reached the lowest point; business was slower than molasses, my son was being bullied at school and I had the stress of trying to sell my house. I spent a lot of time crying on my dad’s shoulder. Once again, with love, that phrase reappeared on the scene…”Pam, happiness is just a switch in your head…”

Honestly, I wanted to scream…hearing that made me feel worse rather than better -- like something was wrong with me because I was not able to “flip that switch”.

I spent time digesting those words, trying to understand the very meaning. Feeling that I was already at the end of my rope, I was ready to try anything. Heck, what did I have to lose and what could thinking a few positive thoughts hurt?

It took some time and practice, believe me. There were times when I did not believe what I was saying to myself. Once I shifted my beliefs and continued to practice replacing my negative thoughts with positive ones, the more I began to act and feel positively and I’ll be darned if things did not start changing. I began to smile more, I no longer woke up with a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach, money worries dwindled, I started living my life with purpose, felt less stress, and even lost weight (which was a goal).

We all have that negative self-talk in our heads, especially when it comes to making changes. It’s natural. We also have the power within us to turn that negative self-talk around and replace it with positive beliefs, thoughts, and feelings.

Here are just a few suggestions to help get those positive thoughts and feelings flowing:

1) Draft at least three really powerful affirmations that are centered on your goals, beliefs and desires. Something that resonates with you and ignites a fire.

2) Make sure that the affirmations are written in the present tense, for example, if your goal is to lose weight, your affirmation could be “I am always able to maintain my ideal weight of <ideal weight>”.

3) Say your affirmations 10 times each right when you wake up and 30 minutes before bed.

4) When a negative feeling begins try turning that negative into a positive. For example, “I can’t do this” can be changed to “I can do this and I am a success at everything I do.” Keep repeating that positive saying until the negative feeling disappears.

Just remember, you don’t have to deal with negative thoughts and feelings alone!

If something about this entry triggered a thought, feeling, comment or question, by all means, please share it here. Together we can make a difference.

Until next time, be well…

Pam