Saturday, November 25, 2006
Sometimes it is helpful to take stock of the people that you have in your life. Taking a good look at the relationships created and assessing the balance is important. Is there a feeling of equal balance in all your relationships? Are those relationships on solid footing?
It is easy to get stuck in the trap of always being the one…
…to be there.
…to pick up the pieces.
…to render the support.
Why is that?
Sometimes it comes down to a fear of being viewed as selfish or not nice if you request a little care and attention. It may be because that is all one knows how to do, to be the supportive giver. It can also relate to not feeling comfortable receiving from others.
Whatever the reason, the bottom line…
You will come across people who will take more than they will give. People who are so centered deeply in self that they are always looking for support from others, always talking about who they are, what they are doing, and who they are involved with, without much thought to the person they deem as a friend, lover, or business colleague. I lovingly refer to those people as “energy vampires” because they will suck the life force out of you if you let them.
So what can you do to minimize, reduce, or remove the impact of an energy vampire?
Dealing with energy vampires requires first (and probably most important) an understanding that everyone is where they need to be at that given moment. You may not like what the person is doing or even who they are, but being able to accept them and accept where they are will help you to protect your own energy.
Draw boundaries. Get really clear on what you will allow and what you won’t allow in your relationship and uphold those boundaries, treat them like gold.
Speak your truth. (A term that used to drive me bonkers, but a very important one at that.) Sometimes all it takes is telling someone how you feel in a constructive and loving way. You may find the person is not even aware of their energy-zapping behavior and once made aware will endeavor to change it.
Cut the ties that bind. Don't be afraid that if you cut loose an energy vampire that you will be deemed as selfish and uncaring. By removing or limiting contact with an energy vampire you are creating the space to attract people in your life who are willing to equally give and receive. Oh, and here is the neat part, by cutting the ties you are sending a strong message to the universe. That message is that you matter and that you want people in your life who support you just as much as you support them; people who do so in action and deed and not just word.
Inventory YOU. Is there an area of your life where you are being an energy vampire yourself? Just by recognizing where we may be sucking energy helps us to become more aware of when someone is doing the same and where we need to plug the energy drains.
I am here to tell you that it is OK (more than OK) to preserve energy for you...to receive. Healthy relationships whether they are romantic, friendship based, or business all need and deserve to have a healthy balance.
My wish for you is to treat your energy as a precious commodity. YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Until next time, please be well and avoid getting it in the neck…
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tomorrow is the day when those in the States celebrate my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. Regardless of whether you are in the States or in other parts of this magnificent world, my wish for you is to spend some time, even if it is just five minutes, to express gratitude for the person that you are! For you are special and deserving of gratitude!
To all my family, friends, clients, colleagues, and blog readers...I am truly blessed and grateful for all of you!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
What is fear?
Fear sometimes protects, helping us to avoid danger or pain.
Fear is an obstacle/blockage that keeps us from moving forward.
Fear is a feeling.
Fear is real and valid.
Fear resides in the past and the future.
It is OK to feel fearful, especially when it comes to your own safety and well-being. It is OK to feel fearful about your dreams, about taking risks…feeling fear is a natural human emotion. HOWEVER let me ask you this, if fear is not serving as a protector from danger, should fear be allowed to stand in your way of creating the life you desire and deserve?
For just one moment imagine having the ability to flow, to really move through your day without doubt or fear. Imagine diving into new projects, taking exciting risks, setting dreams into action without the second guessing or the white knuckles. What would that be like? What would that feel like?
Sit with that thought or feeling for a moment. Soak it in, remember it, especially during the times when fear is preventing you from doing something that will serve you in a positive way.
If that does not work for you, feel free to give these additional strategies a try...
Become very present, in the here and the now. (Stop, take a good look around you and engage your five senses. What do you see? What do you hear? Etc.)
Take some deep cleansing breaths. (When we are sitting in fear we forget to really breathe.)
Practice an attitude of gratitude. (Look around you, what do you see that you are grateful for?)
Take stock of the fear (Ask yourself is the fear serving you in a positive or negative way?)
Just remember you deserve to have the life you desire without the fear.
Until next time, please be well…
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Over the last year and a half I have had a blast sharing my thoughts with you in written word. It has been great exchanging via this blog, however, I really want the chance to connect with all of you in real-time. To hear you and talk with you about the topics that matter to you most.
While I will continue to post each week, I hope you will join me live on the What's Within U "radio show"! This show is dedicated to exploring some of the topics we have discussed here, inspiring one another, and discovering ways to create lives we desire and deserve!
The first live show will air December 2, 2006, at 8:30am PT/9:30am MT/10:30am CT/11:30am ET/4:30pm GMT where our topic will be, "Help! I am Stuck and Going in Circles!" If you are stuck, lacking passion and direction in your life, this show is for you so please feel free to call in to share your thoughts and ask your questions.
I look forward to not only connecting with you, but hearing you soon in real-time!!
Monday, November 06, 2006
On my trip home from the recent International Coach Federation Conference in St. Louis I grabbed a cup of coffee from the airport Starbucks. On the side of my cup was the following quote, My father said being an artist was the shortest road to the poorhouse, claiming "real" work is something you don't like. I ignored him through oppositional behavior, later reasoning that only an idiot sets out to find the poorhouse, not to mention devote himself to something he doesn't love. Instead, I discovered an interesting back road to the unknown, and deliberately without a safety net.--Russell Chatham
What this quote said to me...we have a choice. We can choose to be and do anything we wish. We can choose to go in whatever direction we wish to go. We do not have to settle for less, to settle for passionless jobs, chaotic households, messy finances, or relationships that drain.
So now I ask you, what path do you choose?
I encourage you to think of that path as a road map. Where you are right now is the start of your road map or path and where you wish to be or what you wish to have is the destination. Between the starting point and the end point are mile markers (actions) that help you get to your final destination.
Now the challenge...
Find your first mile marker on your path and set the date as to when you expect to reach that mile maker...and remember, whatever your path, that journey begins with the first step.
Until next time, be well and happy travels...
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right" - Henry Ford
What we think impacts what we feel and that in turn impacts what we do (or what we attract). Think about it.. when was the last time you knew that you could do something and do it well? What was the feeling attached to that thought? Was it a feeling of determination? Empowerment? Strength? I'll bet you dollars to donuts that whatever you thought you could do, you did and you did it well.
Many years ago my father, while attending a Tony Robbins conference, had the chance to walk across hot coals. (Please do not try this at home.) This wasn't something my father had ever done, however he managed to walk across successfully. He attributes his getting across the hot bed of rocks (without blistered feet) to his belief that he could do it.
We hear stories of athletes who visualize themselves winning and who do win. We have heard about people overcoming illness by changing the way they think. A coincidence? Luck? Perhaps, but after all I have seen, experienced, learned, and read, I truly believe not.
My wish for you is to believe that you have the ability to think and feel your way to greatness..to attract amazing things and wonderous opportunities. One of the major keys is believing in you, believing you can do and have whatever you desire...and when the negative thoughts rear their heads, (as they may) challenge them! Ask yourself this question, "What do I choose?" Do you choose to believe that you can't? OR Do you choose to believe that YOU CAN?
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Strolling around the blogosphere I stumbled upon (once again) Phil Gerbyshak's amazing blog Make It Great! (If you have a chance please pop on over and check it out!) Phil's great post, Surround Yourself with GREAT People! reminded me of the term "mastermind group". It also reminded me of how important it is to surround yourself with people you admire and learn from. (Thank you, Phil!)
This in turn made me think of some amazing coaches which I am fortunate to consider a part of my mastermind group. The following individuals are not only great friends, but excellent coaches who have supported me in becoming a better coach myself.
I am tremendously grateful to each and every one of them...for they are the bright lights that truly make coaching an amazing profession.
Now it's your turn...
Think about the people that surround you. Are they positive influences or negative ones? Do they support you in moving forward or hold you back?
My wish for you is to be surrounded by the most amazing, successful, loving people possible. You deserve nothing less and if that is not the case at this time, please ponder this question, what are you willing to do in order to surround yourself with AWESOME people?
That could look like removing the negative nellies to make room for more positive folks. It could involve joining a cool networking group, joining a gym, getting involved in a community activity. I encourage you to think about the people you admire most and invite them to be a member of your mastermind group! Remember, you have more to gain than you do to lose.
Until next time, please be well...
Sunday, October 15, 2006
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson
For just one moment in the here and the now I wish for you to imagine a world where there is only light. Imagine a world where everyone feels confident in their own abilities, passions, purposes, (insert appropriate word here), to cast aside doubt and fear and truly be all they are meant to be. What would it feel like to live in such a world?
Some may think a world like that is pie in the sky, unrealistic, impossible... and honestly, that is OK. For every one person who feels that way there is another that truly believes that by shining their own light, they do help to lighten the world.
If you are one that wants to spark a change, one who wants to find that lightness but has yet to do so, I ask you this...what do you need in order to let your brilliant light shine through?
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Awesome reminders come in all shapes and sizes, different venues, and when you least expect them. To explain...Today I was at the gym, pedaling away on one of the bikes when I picked up a tabloid-y type magazine. OK, so what's the big deal about that? Well, very rarely do I pick up a tabloid much less read it, but for some reason today I felt compelled.
Amongst the glossy ads, the who's dating, marrying, and divorcing who, was a great article about weight loss written by one of my favorite actresses, Megan Mullally, (Karen from Will & Grace).
Rather than spotlight her eating regime, her workout habits, or the supplements she uses, she shared an important message that she attributes to achieving her ideal body... In short, you gotta be OK with you, with what's on the inside. You see if you are not OK with WHO you are at your core, the external stuff is not going to matter a jot! She has not had plastic surgery, she no longer starves herself, nor works out for hours and hours at the gym. She loves who she is from the inside out, curves and all.(Amen, Sistah!!)
I encourage you to think about the following for just a second...
How would it feel to be totally in love and absolutely OK with who you are? What would that look like?
And the last, important question, what do YOU need in order to feel truly great about YOU in all your splendid glory?
Until next week, my wish is that you begin an amazing love affair with a very important person...YOU!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
When my son was just toddler I remember him picking up leaves and investigating them as if they were the coolest things ever. He would explore what we might consider the most simply things with a wide-eyed curiosity and enthusiasm. It was a beautiful thing to see; to see a child so present in the moment, learning, and enthralled by the things surrounding him.
It wasn’t until most recently, while reading Jason Kotecki’s Escape Adulthood Manifesto (thank you, Kam-ster!) that I was reminded of this child-like approach to living. Ponder this… Isn’t it true that as adults we sometimes get so lost in all the day-to-day adult issues that we sometimes put the fun and enjoyment of life aside? We forget to be present in the moment, clouding our ability to see the great learning experiences and fantastic opportunities. Heck, we even forget to breathe!
How does the color blue suit you?
We can learn a lot from our children. We can learn to slow down and be in the here and the now. We can learn to look at almost everything with a renewed enthusiasm and zest for exploration. Just because we are older and even wiser that does not mean we are too old to learn, too old to explore, nor too old to play.
It is my wish for you that you gift yourself (if only for the week) the curiosity and spirit of a child. As I always say, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Make it a fun and child-like week! Until next time, be well…
Monday, September 25, 2006
Gay Hendricks of The Hendricks Institute provides a free manifestation course where each week amazing insights are sent via e-mail... Insights that inspire and challenge one's thinking. This past week Gay sent out an exercise centered around appreciation and gratitude.
For those of you who have been following Make the Most of U you already know what a big fan I am of expressing gratitude and appreciation. To me, it is an essential component in helping us to manifest the great stuff that we want in our lives ...so it probably comes as no surprise why Gay's exercise resonated.
Gay encourages those participating in the course to...
Create a list of things (5-10 items) you appreciate about an important person in your life and to be sure to share those with that person. (You can do this for all the important people in your life.)
Write 5-10 things you appreciate about yourself and...
5-10 things you appreciate about the world.
By expressing appreciation and gratitude, not only do you increase your positive energy, but you create the space for more positives in your own life. (Thank you, Gay for this wonderful exercise.)
Give it a whirl and if you run out of ideas, feel free to visit Walking My Own Walk where I share some of things I am most grateful for and appreciative of.
Have an awesome, gratitude-filled week!!
Until next time, be well...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
A few evenings ago my son came to me very upset and said, "It's too hard!" My first thought was that something really major had happened so my main object was to support him and help to resolve whatever the issue.
Come to find out he had put some projects off until the last minute (despite a few recommendations to break them down into bite-size pieces) and was feeling overwhelmed. Bless his sweet heart...I had been there a few times myself as a student so I understood the overwhelm. HOWEVER, not doing his homework was NOT an option.
At first I tried to encourage him but the more I tried the more upset he got. (Batten down the hatches, meltdown in 10 seconds and counting.) Once again came the, "It's too hard!"
Rather than tell him that everything would be OK and that he could do it, I took a different tactic. I looked him in the eyes and said, "You know what, you're right...it's too hard and I do not want you to do it." He looked at me as if I had grown a horn out the middle of my forehead. The rest of the conversation went somewhat as follows...
Me: Nope, I do not want you to do anything that is too hard.
A: What do you mean?
Me: Anytime you come up against something too hard, I do not want you to do it.
A:If I don't do things because they are too hard then I will probably wind up homeless.
Me: Possibly, but just think, you will never have to do another hard thing in your life.
The end result, my adorable son went straight to his homework and finished it successfully.
My purpose in sharing this story is to hopefully serve as a reminder to all of us. Yes, there are things in life that are hard, challenges will come that will suck big time, but here's the question...would you rather try or give up? You have everything to gain from trying and lots to lose by not trying. Think about it.
I encourage you (without fear of meltdowns) to stretch and reach outside your box, embrace the challenges with an open heart, and have faith that from every challenge comes something good!
Until next time, please be well!
Sunday, September 10, 2006Walking My Own Walk. The blog will not replace Make the Most of U, but will be in addition to it.
As a coach it is important to me to show that not only do I "talk the talk", but I do "walk the walk". Meaning that I actually put into practice what I share here and with my own coaching clients. So, if you are interested in reading how a life and business coach actually puts her heart and mind through their paces, come have a look and as always I welcome your thoughts!
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Have you ever wanted something so much you could feel it in your bones? That feeling which is so intense and so powerful you just know that you're going to get whatever it is you want. Now think, have you ever wanted something so much you could feel it in your bones but fear took over and replaced that deep want and drive? Been there, done that, right? I know I have. I can count numerous times where I let fear sit smack down in the middle of my want until it squished the air right out of it!
With no air left, the want or desire just shrivels up and those intense feelings are often replaced with feelings of sadness and disappointment. Then begins the "If I only" and "What if I had"...you know, the second guessing yourself stuff that makes you feel heavy and powerless. Is this resonanting with you? Man, I am feeling heavier just thinking about it!
If I have learned anything, especially recently, I have learned that it DOES NOT have to be that way. We are all worthy and deserving of having the things we desire. BUT here is the key...you have to be willing to put it out there, willing to ask for what you want/need, and willing to receive.
Hey, think about it...what's the worst thing that could happen if you put it (or yourself) out there? Right, you may not get what you are after, but guess what? You're no worse off for doing so, as a matter of fact you might just be better off...because you will have no doubt learned something new, gained some strength (courage), or aquired clarity around what you really want and desire. Doesn't that sound better than being airless and fearful?
My charge to you is this...don't wait for that engraved invitation or that just perfect moment. Set your mind's eye on that something you really want, put it out there, ask for it, and see what happens! As the old saying goes, "Be careful for what you wish for because you just might get it."
Until next time, be well and keep manifesting great things!!
Sunday, August 27, 2006
As many of you know I am BIG into the power of positive thinking and how what we think supports us in manifesting amazing things. Well, just the other day I stumbled across a wonderful calendar created by Louise L Hay called I Can Do It!. This calendar is not only beautifully designed, but it holds some of the most inspiring affirmations I have ever read.
As I am flipping through my new purchase I came across the following,"I am the star of my own movie. I am also the writer and the director. I create wonderful roles for myself." WOW!! Reading those words caused a rush of super-charged, mega-sized energy to dart right through me.
Heck yes, we are the stars of our own movie and we have the ability to create stunning, award-winning roles for ourselves. We can write that phenomenal script where we are living the lives of our dreams! There are no coincidences in this life, only the opportunities and experiences that we consciously (and sometimes subconsciously) create.
Here's the charge if you choose to accept it, of course...(Remember, you have absolutely NOTHING to lose!)
1) Find a quiet place where you won't be distracted.
2) Do a little deep breathing, relax, and try to quiet your mind.
3) Then with paper and pen in hand begin free writing your starring role. IMPORTANT: Do NOT edit yourself, just let the words, thoughts, and feelings flow. Capture every wish and every desire knowing that nothing you wish for is too big or too small.
4) Find a safe place where you can store your life's script for revisiting.
5) Revisit as you begin to live your role, especially during the times when your energy is low.
So whatcha waiting for? Your life is waiting ... what role will you be playing in it?
Until next time, be well and have fun living a movie star life!
Friday, August 25, 2006
I was cruising the blogosphere while having my coffee this morning and came across Rookie Mom's blog! Poking around I found this really cool activity that I couldn't help but share! The activity calls for making a list of the 50 things you would like to do and then sharing your list with some friends.
That got my head reeling with so many potentials so for starters I would like to...
Travel across the U.S.
Donate to a favorite charity
Try one new restaurant a month
Take my son on a hot air balloon ride
What would you place on your list? Go on...it's fun!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.- Thich Nhat Hanh
As a coach it has always been important to me to not just "talk the talk" but to be able to "walk the walk". That means the important things I learn and everything I coach my own clients around must be put to use and at some point mastered.
SIDE NOTE: I have been told often that the universe continues to place things in our path until we master them. Guess what? It's true.
The universe decided to pick this morning to place a "present moment" situation in my path. (Clearly, being in the present moment is something I have to work on a bit more.) To make a VERY long story short, I am working on my Masters and am required to complete a thesis in order to graduate. It was my full intention to have everything finished for a September graduation, but sometimes things just happen and we have to find a different route. My different route now includes graduating in November, which is cool with me because I have more time to ensure my thesis is stellar. Even with the extra time (at 2am) I went from dead sleep to panic mode thinking about my thesis and worrying about the process. (OK, OK, I was projecting worry onto the future..I get that!)
The skinny...I had to practice what I preach and focus on being present. Sure I could have "should" all over myself ("I should have done this..." "I should have done that..."), but that wasn't going to change the past or make me feel better. Yep, I could have plopped myself down in the future and turned myself inside out with the "what if?" questions ("What if the committee takes too long in approving?" "What if defense does not get scheduled in time?") Are you following me here? Instead, I took a few deep breathes, acknowledged that the present was perfect, expressed some gratitude for my nice warm bed, my fluffy pillow,etc. and went back to sleep.
So here is some food for thought...
Being present protects us from being completely consumed by worry. It's hard to worry when you are looking at all the cool things surrounding you in the right here and the right now. (Operative word: "cool") When we are fully present we get to unearth some new discoveries, discoveries that may have been hidden by past or future thoughts. In the present we can gain some great clarity around our intentions because we have the freedom to focus. Oh, and this is an awesome one...in the present we get to choose. Think about it, have you ever tried to make a choice in the past or the future? Doesn't work too well. Oh, and here's one to remember, we can start breathing again. (Yep, when you are riddled with worry or anxiety breathing becomes shallow.)
So which do you choose? The past? The present? The future? I know what I choose...no more 2am wake up calls!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Last weekend I posted about how important what YOU think of YOU truly is. Well, I always love to see people living a life that best serves them, a life based on what they think of themselves!
My good friend Kammie is a walking example. What's really cool about Kammie is that she gets it..she gets that regardless of what others may think, it is better to reach a few who really get who she is and what she has to offer than trying to reach those that don't. As she shares on her own blog, when you get who you are, those that also get you will begin showing up in your life. Remember the old saying "birds of a feather flock together"? Now that's something yummy to ponder.
Until Sunday, keep manifesting greatness and please be sure to acknowledge who you are for YOU!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
There is a line from the movie Beaches that gets me every time… “But enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?”
I used to worry A LOT about what other people thought of me. Sadly, I would even make decisions based on what I thought others would prefer. I did so because I wanted to be accepted and liked. (Sheesh, who doesn’t?) What I found though was that I was not being me; rather I was being someone that I thought others wanted me to be. This did not serve me at all and it did not help me to attract the people that I truly wanted in my life.
I’ll admit it took me some time to get to a place where I realized that what I think of me is even more important than what others think. Simply, I have to get up everyday and look myself square in the eyes. If I cannot do that because I made a decision or did something that does not fit with me in order to “fit in”, there is a problem…a HUGE problem.
Frankly, it is truly none of my business what other people think of me. (Thank you, Lyn for sharing this great perspective.) It IS my business what I think of me! Taking on this new perspective has shown me that I can still be considerate of others’ feelings and respectful of their point of view without compromising myself, my integrity, and my own self-worth.
So enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do YOU think of YOU?
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Have you ever been in a situation where someone else’s bad mood or disposition just left you feeling heavy, sad, or angry? (Heck, it is hard to turn on the TV or pick up the newspaper these days without subjecting ourselves to some sort of negativity.)
I will raise my hand and admit that I have allowed another’s mood or situation to completely throw me for a loop. As funny as this may sound, until I became a coach I was not even aware that I was taking on the negative feelings from someone/something else. Now I am VERY aware of when someone’s heaviness is having an impact.
As an example, there is a person at my gym who is clearly very unhappy. You can hear it in his voice when he speaks, in the words that he uses, and see it in his body language. Bless his heart, he reminds me of Eeyore …everything is always doom and gloom. For awhile his presence would spur tense feelings in my shoulders and a feeling of utter heaviness. It was truly sad and it was certainly not the reaction I wished to have.
It was not until having a discussion with my own coach that it became very clear that I did not have to stand in some else’s “circle of doom” (as she so wonderfully put it). Rather, I could stand outside of that circle and come from a place of compassion. I’ll be darned if that did not make all the difference in the world.
Here are just a few suggestions for insulating yourself :