Monday, December 29, 2008
A New Year is fast approaching and with the New Year often comes renewed faith in set intentions and resolutions. In addition, I have found that the New Year is often time for reflection and taking stock in goals achieved and lessons learned. With that said, wonderful readers, I would like to close out 2008 with not one, but a few Go Big or Go Home Questions in preparation for 2009.
1) What's one lesson learned in 2008 that you are truly grateful for?
2) What's one lesson you hope to learn, if not master, in 2009?
3) How did you add value in 2008 to your own life and the lives of others?
4) How will you add value in 2009 to your own life and to the lives of others?
It is my wish that 2009 be your greatest year ever. May it bring lots of love, good health, positive prosperity, and fun your way!! Happy New Year, Everyone and thank you for your continued support!!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Hello, dear friends and wonderful readers!
The holidays are a time to celebrate; to celebrate family, a new year, traditions both family and religious. No matter what your celebrations include it is my wish that they include one very special celebration, the celebration of YOU!! It is my sincerest request that you take time to celebrate you, for all that you are and all that you have done this past year.
Celebrating you does not have to cost an arm and a leg. It can be as simple as taking 30 minutes of quiet time to soak in a tub or read a book. It could be enjoying that piece of chocolate cake, buying yourself a CD, writing yourself a "thank you" note. Whatever the act of celebrating you choose, I hope you enjoy soaking it in. You deserve to be celebrated.
So now I raise my glass (errr...cup of coffee) to you in celebration!!
May 2009 be YOUR best year ever!!
Happy Holidays, Peace and Love,
Thursday, December 11, 2008
So how do you greet a challenge or a challenging person, for that matter? Do you curse? Do scream "NO!" really loud? Do you moan a lot? What do you do?
I used to scream at challenges (not challenging people) and I used to moan, as well as complain a lot. I would do so because I thought it would make me feel better. Oh, and believe me, it did, but only for a short while.
Well, I recently had an "a-ha" moment regarding challenges and challenging people which I would love to pass along to you...
Now when a challenge or a challenging person comes up on my radar screen I look at it as a chance for learning and growth. Rather than moan loudly, complain, kick my feet, I now ask myself, "What am I meant to learn from this situation or this person?"
Let me tell you friends, even if an answer does not come right away, it takes the edge off and puts me in a better frame of mind to push on through. By asking that question I am no longer giving my power over to the challenge or the challenging person and I can't tell you the difference it has made (i.e. more peace, confidence, clarity, and less stress).
So the next time you are faced with a challenge or a challenging person, rather than scream at it, try greeting it with, "What am I meant to learn?"
Have a great weekend!
Peace and Love,
P.S. Some food for thought: The Universe only puts in our path the things we are meant to master. Once we have mastered them, they are less likely to appear.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
I recently got my hands on a great book by Rich Gorman and Robin Hoch called Living the Law of Attraction: Real Stories of People Manifesting Health, Wealth, and Happiness. For those of you who know me, you know that I am big into setting clear intentions around the direction I wish to take and the things I wish to have in my life. Having said that, I really never thought about setting daily intentions or setting intentions for others until I read this book. What a brilliant idea!
Without further hesitation last Friday I set the following intentions;
Personal Intention: I intend to have fun and share fun today, and to be in a place of joy and peacefulness.
Intention for Others: I intend great joy and happiness for all my loved ones, friends, colleagues, clients, and readers.
I set the intention, which in turn created awareness (remember from awareness comes choice), and then I chose to do things and approach my day from a very joyful place. And guess what? I'll be damned if I didn't have a super fun day, filled with joy and peacefulness. So now I plan to do this little exercise every day; looking forward to utilizing the power of intention in a wonderfully fun and profound way.
I hope you will join me in the fun of setting daily intentions! What intentions can you set for yourself and others? Give it whirl, it won't cost you any money, just five minutes of your time each day.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I am a stats junkie, I love to check my site stats weekly to see who is visiting and how they came to my site. The other day I noticed that someone landed on my site via Google using the phrase, "what's in pam"?. I had to chuckle to myself (I could only assume they were not referring to me, but to the cooking spray). After the chuckling subsided, however, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "A heart! That's what's in Pam!"
It's true and I am not afraid to admit that my heart (in my VERY humble opinion) is one of my best qualities/features. I am grateful for my heart, because it enables me to...
...be an empathetic coach
...be a concerned friend
...be a passionate and compassionate lover
...be a caring, loving, and supportive mom
...hear between the lines as to what is not being said, but is felt
...connect with others on a deeper level
...be guided in the right direction when I listen closely to it
...always try and be the best I can be
...support and care about others
...to love on all levels and to be loved.
Since it is Thanksgiving in the States I wish to express my sincerest thanks to my heart and a huge thank you to the anonymous visitor for asking the question and spurring me to take the time to acknowledge an important part of me. Dear readers, it is time to share some love towards yourself and acknowledge a quality or feature that you have and are grateful for, so I ask, what's in you?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Today I watched this wonderful video of Esther and Abraham Hicks regarding finances and Wall Street. Something that Abraham said (via Esther) hit me like a ton of bricks, "Strong asking and a little allowing goes a long way."
I'm not going to say much more, as I don't wish to ruin it, however, I'm going to encourage you to watch this short little video and then think about the following Go Big Go Home Question;
What will you strongly ask for?
After you have asked let go of whatever it is you asked for, having faith that it is meant to be yours. Your job is to remain as present (in the here and the now) as possible, open to any suggestions regarding actions to take in order to bring what you want to fruition.
Happy asking and allowing!!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
I shared how seven years ago my world completely changed, actually, it pretty much fell apart. I was in the midst of a divorce, getting adjusted to being a single mom, not making ends meet financially and so I was living off of credit cards to ensure my son and I had food on the table. The situation looked and felt grim at best and I was really floundering. (You know it's true that during times of stress and strive, it is so easy to get caught up in the fear of it all and to lose sight of who we are and what we want.)
While I wouldn't wish those circumstances on anyone, I'm not sorry that I experienced the stress, fear, and even the pain. To be honest, it was the kick in the pants that I really needed. It was at that pivotal moment when I knew something had to change. I had to change. In order to do so I really had to do some soul searching and find out who I was at my very core. What's funny, at the time I didn't realize how not knowing me was contributing to all the turmoil. It wasn't until I started coaching and working with a coach that the penny dropped.
Today, I'm in a place that's HUGELY different to where I was seven years ago. No more living off credit cards, no more struggling, not as much fear, very little pain and stress. I have more confidence in myself and my abilities, and deeper trust/faith in knowing that I can be, do, and have the things I want as long as whatever it is, is completely in alignment with who I am. I'm living proof that life can and does turn around for the better.
If anything I have shared sounds familar to you then please consider getting to know who you are at your very core. Take some time to explore you. Make that commitment to yourself, because you deserve to have the best. In turn, I am making the commitment to support as many people as I can to really connect with who they are, to feel more confident, to eradicate the fears, to be the very best they can be in this New Year.
With that said, I'm offering another group coaching program beginning in January (for more information, please visit willtherealu.com). I made an announcement on the site that if folks sign up by December 1st they can register for a discounted rate of $495.00 for the four month program, which is a savings of $165 (the equivalent of one free month). However, I would like to offer the following; for the first 12 people to complete the application by November 19th, I will offer them the entire program for $250.00 (a savings of $410 for the entire program) as my holiday gift. In addition, I will be awarding scholarships to two people.
Participants will receive the following:
- Two, one hour group coaching sessions per month via phone
- One, 45 minute individual coaching session per month via phone
- A monthly buddy call with another participant in the program
- The e-workbook series Will the Real YOU Please Step Forward
- Access to a private online area where you can interact with other group participants in between calls
Some benefits for participating...
*Group support and encouragement
*Connection with liked-minded people.
*Safe, confidential space to share and grow
*When you strengthen your inner self, stress and tolerations are dramatically reduced
*Changes from the inside out
*More peace and balance
*Awareness and clarity around who you are and what you want
Space is limited to 10 people per session so if you are interested, apply today.
Together, we can make things happen. Together we can end the stress, the pain, and the transition.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I don't know about you, but all the negativity surrounding the current state of affairs (i.e. the economy and the election) is enough to drive me bonkers and become a real energy drain. Yesterday was the first day in a really long time that I felt the heaviness to the degree where I wanted to throw up my hands and scream, "Screw it (OK, so I was thinking of something a bit more colorful, but this is a family show), I'm done!" (Not done as in ending it all, just done with all the crap.) Instead of running down the street screaming like a banji I decided it was time to get the ol' energy flowing on high again.
When times are tough and feel heavy beyond measure, one of the worst things we can do is to tap into the negativity. Tapping into the negativity is not only a real energy drain, but it supports the creation of more negativity. So during those times it is important to unplug from the negative charge and plug into some high voltage energy. I know, I know, it's easier said then done, but I promise you it is possible (and I don't make promises lightly, my friends.)
Case in point; yesterday when the heaviness was creeping in, I did a few things that helped to lighten the mood and increase my energy (not necessarily in the following order);
1) I didn't try and stuff my feelings in the bottom of my sock drawer. I felt them through, said "hello" to them and acknowledged their presence.
2) I got present and out of the land of the "what ifs" (which is located in the future). I did so by taking stock of the things surrounding me, reminding myself that in that present moment I was a-OK.
3) I played some music.
4) I rested when I needed to.
5) I spoke with a dear friend and had some good laughs. (Thank you, Jon.)
6) I avoided negative and heavy conversations.
7) I listened to some more music (my son's marching band) while sitting outside, enjoying the nice fall weather. The breeze blowing in my face and through my hair, watching my son, and the fun music was a great pick me up.
8) I wrote and got some important thoughts down in my journal.
9) I hugged my son (multiple times).
10) I watched some comedy and laughed some more.
My dear friends, it is time to unplug from all the negative and plug into some of the good stuff. What brings you joy? What lifts you up? What gives you a positive charge? When you feel the energy draining and your mood going South stop and tap into the things that make you laugh, that spur feelings of love, that pull you into the present moment. There is nothing like plugging into some high voltage fun to get your energy levels up; charging with positive energy is better than charging with negative energy any day of the week.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
(Many thanks to my friend Michelle, not just because she is a fellow goofball, but because she inspired me to write this. )
I am sure you have all heard the phrases, "Life is too short" and "Live a little". Those are phrases I am all too familar with, as I have been accused of (and rightfully so) of being far too serious. As a matter of fact, my best friend recently said to someone else, "I have helped Pam to loosen up." You know, I didn't realize I was uptight until I participated in some good ol' fashion reflection. Yes, I will admit it, I used to be a little too serious, a little too analytical, a little too tightly wound; "used to be" being the operative phrase.
What I have found, it is a-ok (more than a-ok, actually) to embrace my inner goofball, to cut loose and have some fun! The world does not stop rotating on it's axis when I make funny faces. The men in white jackets have not come to cart me away to a padded cell when I crank up my music and dance around the house. (What usually happens is my son starts to laugh and shake his head, but I can deal with that.) You wanna know what really happens when I get silly with my bad self?
I laugh more.
I don't get as stressed.
I certainly don't sweat the small stuff.
I have more fun.
I attract more of the good stuff.
So, my friends, the Go Big or Go Home Question to you is, what will you do starting today to embrace your inner goofball?
Come on, get silly with me! You know you want to.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Today's the day when we work on releasing ourselves from other people's thoughts and perceptions. Yep, that's right!
Let me explain by sharing a little story....
During my coach training (many moons ago) I was sitting in class with a group of my colleagues where the topic of conversation was about what other people think of us. The room was an absolute buzz, almost chaotic; it was clear that we were all very much hooked by the fear of what other people thought of us as people and as coaches. All of the sudden, the faculty leader softly said, "It's none of your business what other people think of you." The room fell silent and then this internal dialogue began to play in my head;
"What do you mean it's none of my business what other people think of me?"
"Ummm...I have made it my business my entire life."
:::::Enter the cosmic 2x4, whacking Pam upside the head::::
It was at that moment that I had one of the hugest "a-ha moments" of my life. I was living my life as a hostage to other people's thoughts. I was not moving forward as quickly because I was scared to death of what other people might think of me. It then occurred to me (in DUH-Like fashion -- visualize me slapping my forehead) that I have absolutely no control over what other people think. The only control I have is over me, how I show up, and how I choose to respond to other people.
End of story...
So my friends I will say this to you, if you struggle with the same fear of what other people think of you it really is none of your business... and I will add, but it is your business what you think of you!!
It is my request that you consider ways to increase your own perception of you (if you haven't done so already). What do you need to support you in building up your own self worth and confidence in who you are?
Have a great weekend!!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
For those of you who know me, you know that I am not much into beatings with a metaphoric 2x4. One of the only purposes (IMHO) a metaphoric 2x4 serves is to inflict further injury or self deprecation. HOWEVER, I have found a more positive purpose for the 2x4; use it to smack the living daylights out of negativity during what might be considered hard times. Let's face it folks, you and I both know that we could easily become bloody pulps, as there is so much negativity in the air right now (particularly the news), not to mention fear and desperation.
So my dear readers and friends, I would like to encourage you try some of the following positive 2x4 swinging techniques to beat the crap out of any negativity that may be looming (and to protect yourself):
1. Smile big and smile often. There is this great quote, "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to." I did that all day yesterday, every where I went I just smiled. It was great to see the looks and even get smiles back.
2. Cop that attitude of gratitude. If you are feeling on the verge of negativity, stop whatever it is you are doing and start thanking the Universe for all the good that's surrounding you, everything you have in your life right now that is awesome and positive. ("Thank you for my health" OR "I am so grateful for my family and friends.")
3. Bury your head in the sand. No, I'm not talking about avoiding reality. What I am talking about is choosing the news to read and watch wisely. Getting caught up in all the garbage and subjecting yourself to a constant barage of dark news is not going to help raise your energy level or keep you positive. So keep the negative news to a minimum.
4. Avoid negative conversations. As an example, at the gym people were talking (or complaining) about the bail out bill so rather than engage, I chose to disengage and involve myself in another conversation. Just like with your news, choose your conversations wisely. Try to engage in conversations that give you energy rather than take it away.
5. Come from a place of love and peace. Just because others might be rude or even inconsiderate (read; cut you off in traffic, exhibit signs of "it's all about me" syndrome, etc.) that doesn't mean you have to follow suit. Try doing the exact opposite, i.e. let someone merge in front of you in traffic, ask another person how they are and really mean it; you might be surprised by the outcome and how it makes you feel.
6. Keep breathing! When negativity is bearing down we often forget to keep breathing; our breathing becomes shallow and faster. Try breathing in and out deeply three times.
7. Acknowledge someone sincerely for something they did or because of who they are. Not only will the act of acknowledging put a smile on someone's face or make them stand up straighter, but it will support your efforts to remain in a positive frame of mind.
8. Have fun and laugh a lot. Need I say more?
Lets not let what is happening in our world today bring us down. Join me in swinging that 2x4 not at ourselves, but at the negativity. Ready? On your mark, get set, swing!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
We live in a world where instant gratification and instant results seems to be a theme; instant (or near instant) weight loss, instant meals, instant answers, you name it. What happened to taking some things slowly, putting in the effort, and exploring? Please don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing the "instant" industry or anyone who partakes in it; sometimes I like to get instant results too, however, what I have come to realize, instant answers are not always the right answers especially when it comes to our emotional and mental well-being.
Why aren't instant answers the way to go?
Sometimes those instant answers only deal with the symptoms, providing us with temporary relief. Think about it, in order to kill a weed for good you have to get to the roots, or the source. If you just pull the weed and leave the roots, guess what? The weed comes back. The same holds true with the issues that often rear their heads on the emotional and mental well-being front. Getting to the source of any issue, whether it is fear, limiting beliefs or tolerations sometimes takes time, but most importantly it takes awareness as to what is causing those issues.
Awareness really is key and if we are zooming along trying to find that "quick fix" we may miss out on the signs that lead to the awareness we need in order to find the long-lasting answers. So the next time you're in the mood for a "quick fix" to one of life's more complex issues, please take the time to ask yourself the following, "Would I benefit more from temporary relief or long-term relief?"
Please never discount the fact that you are worth making the effort. Take time to explore and look for the source rather than grab for the "latest and greatest" instant solution. Leave the instant to coffee, tea, and even fast food, but not your mental and emotional well-being.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Yes, that's right today is Positive Thinking Day. This wonderful day was created by Dr. Kirsten Harrell with the intention to raise the positive vibes in the world. When you have an opportunity, please wander on over to the Positive Thinking Day website and find out how you can support and participant in this wonderful initiative. Just a few of the many benefits I receive when I remove the stinkin' thinkin' and replace it with a positive attitude. Oh, and here is something else really interesting about the power of positive thinking; the brain does not have the capability to think both positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Kinda cool, huh?
I, for one, am a firm believer in the power of postive thinking. Why? Because...
In honor of today I would like to encourage you to participate in at least one positive thinking activity. Here are just a few ideas to get the ball rolling:
1) Find a really rockin' affirmation that boosts you up. (Oh, and if you purchase an affirmation today from ipop-in not only will you be raising your energy, but 30% of your purchase price will be donated to the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation
2) Practice an attitude of gratitude; stop whatever you are doing and find things to be grateful for.
3) Smile and say "hello" to the people you pass today.
4) Call a friend and tell them how much you appreciate them and their friendship.
Whatever you decide to do, have fun and again, Happy Positive Thinking Day to all of you!! Together we can raise the positive energy.
Just a few of the many benefits I receive when I remove the stinkin' thinkin' and replace it with a positive attitude. Oh, and here is something else really interesting about the power of positive thinking; the brain does not have the capability to think both positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Kinda cool, huh?
Sunday, September 07, 2008
My friends, let me ask you something, do you find that you sometimes take on someone else's...
If you answered "yes" to any of the options it may be time to take stock in the energy that you are sharing with the world. Remember, my friends, as harsh as this may sound like attracts like. If you are a fan of the Law of Attraction you will recall that our own energy levels (vibrations) attract similar energy levels (vibrations). Which means that if you are thinking and feeling negatively, there is a good chance that more negative vibes will come your way. Sounds pretty rotten doesn't it?
Well, guess what? There is good news!
The good news is, you have a choice. You can choice the energy level you wish to operate from and you can choose not to allow others' emotional messes to become your mess. I was reminded of this last night as I was reading the awesome book Feel It Real!: A Guided Approach to Bringing the Law of Attraction into Your Life .
In the book the author Denise Coates shares a powerful story about a man full of hatred who traveled to see Buddha. When he met Buddha, rather than share kindness and love, he chose to curse, swear, and call Buddha names. Never once did Buddha fall prey to the man's hateful behavior. Seeing that his behavior was having no impact upon Buddha, the hateful man grew weary. Buddha turned to the man and asked him, "If a man brings me a gift and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?" The man responded by saying that the gift belonged to the gift giver. To which Buddha replied, "Then if you come to me with a gift of hatred and I refuse to accept it, to whom does the hatred belong?" With that the man realized that his hatred only belonged to him and no one else.
So the next time you find yourself taking on someone else's mess, ask yourself the following,
"Do I choose to accept or refuse this gift?"
"Do I choose to come from a place of love and positivity or a place of sadness and negativity?"
From awareness comes choice. The choice really is YOURS!
Monday, September 01, 2008
"I should ..."
"I would have ..."
"I could have ..."
Does the beginning of those three sentences sound familiar?
Let me flesh them out a bit more in case you don't recognize them.
"I should lose weight."
"I would have lost weight a long time ago if only I had the will power."
"I could have lost weight if I had the money to join a gym."
What do you think now?
I'm going to let you in on a little secret; they are really familiar to me, like an old pair of shoes two sizes too small. I used to shoulda, woulda, coulda all over myself all the time when it came to goals and intentions. As a matter of fact, I still catch myself doing so every once in awhile. When it comes to goals and intentions, believe it or not, the shoulda, woulda, couldas serve a valuable purpose; they are great little indicators as to how important what we are trying to achieve is to us personally. Yep, that's right, they are our own little pocket gauges but sadly we don't use them as such. We often use them as the proverbial 2x4 upside the head. OUCH! A means to make us feel wronged or worse, feel like failures.
So I'd like to ask you to do me a HUGE favor right here, right now (it's a three part favor, by the way). The first part of the favor is to step away from the 2x4, put it away, shred it in the wood shredder, burn it on a bonfire. Do whatever you need to do, just get rid of it. The next thing I would like to request is that you become aware of your shoulda, woulda, coulda vernacular. And the last part of the favor is, if you are shoulda, woulda, coulda-ing all over yourself, please ask yourself one of the following questions;
- "On a scale of 1-10 (one being a low score) how important is this goal to me?"
If your response is a 5 or less, please be honest with yourself, how likely are you to carry out whatever it is you are shoulda, woulda, coulda-ing yourself over? Things that score low on the importance scale also score low on the priority scale and are more likely to be placed on the backburner, in the back of the closet, or stuffed in the back of our minds.
- "Is this something I wish to do or something someone said I should do?"
Let's face it, when we are trying to accomplish a goal that is someone else's and not our own, we are less likely to see it through to fruition. Why? Because it's not ours. It is not in alignment with who we are and our core values.
- "How will this serve me in being my best self?"
If your answer is,"It won't" then please reconsider your reasonings for trying to take action on a goal that will not serve you.
Here is to using the shoulda, woulda, couldas as goal setting success tools, (as opposed to the opposite) until you don't need them anymore.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Fear (to me) was the boogey man under the bed, the one feeling that would stop me right in my tracks, the gut twisting, gut wrenching emotion that had the strongest vise grip in the whole world... until just recently. I was working with a client when it hit me like a 2x4 in the middle of the eyes; why not treat fear like an old friend that we are out growing? Instead of screaming "no" at it, which only makes it scream back louder, why not think of the good things we can take away from it; the lessons learned or awareness created?
So here's your Go Big or Go Home question; consider one fear that you have and ask yourself, "What's at least one good thing I can take away from this fear?"
Once you have done that (and this may sound silly, but it helps) write your fear a little letter thanking it for the positive take away. In that letter be sure to let your fear know that you are releasing it and moving on from it. Once you have completed your letter you are then free to burn it, shred it, flush it down the toilet, whatever action is going to help you let go of it.
I think you will be surprised at the results.
Happy Fear Releasing!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Relationships are funny little creatures and in taking stock of some of my own I have discovered something; in order to have healthy relationships (friendship, romantic, business) the following things should be present (for me); they make up my healthy relationship meter:
1) The ability and space to be who you are. If you have to be someone you're not, that creates room for games, feelings of disconnect with one's own self (the "Who Am I Being? Syndrome"), hurt, embarrassment, and possibly the loss of integrity.
Some signs to look out for: Saying and doing things that you would not normally say and do, a feeling of uneasiness, always questioning yourself in the relationship.
How genuine is the relationship going to be out of the gate if either person is showing up as someone they're not?
2) Room to grow and the support to do so; no shackles or tethers. As we go through life we learn and as a result we grow. Growth is a good thing!
Some signs to look out for: Criticism and put-downs from the other person, especially during times of growth and positive change. Increased signs of insecurity from your partner and the need for continual reassurance that they are OK in your eyes.
3) No emotional games allowed. There is never a winner in an emotional game.
Some signs to look out for: Emotional blackmail ("If you loved me you would..."), a constant push and pull (pushing you away and then pulling you in when a distance has been created).
4) Equal balance of give and take. When there is an imbalance one person always walks away feeling depleted, used, or unimportant.
Some signs to look out for: Your partner, friend, or colleague spends most of their time focusing on themselves in almost every conversation (self obsessed or self absorbed behavior); one person is putting in most of the effort to make the relationship work. Having to constantly hold your partner/friend/colleague upright emotionally. Feeling completely drained after a conversation.
5) Direct and open communication. No person is a mind-reader so it is important to be able to constructively communicate wants, dislikes, expectations, etc.
Some signs to look out for: An applied assumption that you should always know what your partner/friend/colleague wants, increased resentment, and frustration.
6) Mutual respect. Without mutual respect lines get crossed and feelings get hurt.
Some signs to look out for: The crossing of personal boundaries, exhibiting behavior that is belittling, embarrassing, and at the expense of the other person.
Healthy relationships take two people who are equally committed to the relationship and being the best they can be. So what's your meter for determining whether you are engaging in healthy relationships?
Monday, August 11, 2008
I am 25, single and feel like i am stuck in a rut. Not too long ago I completed my 6 yr military contract, civilian now. Trying to recover from a broken heart as well. Anger, betrayal, resentment, cynicism and more. Everything seems and feels like a mess. Relationships, career, finance, education, Health (gained 40lbs). Not meeting my parents expectations. Feeling like a failure at everything. Single, looking for job, trying to finish college, and broke. I want to be able to help my family financially.
My parents and family keep saying i should have a degree by now. I should be successful. Why am i single? Pretty much all my friends and family of my age are either married or have kids or in a committed long term relationship. I am trying to be optimistic that all things happens in time and do my best. But i feel like a complete failure at everything. I am having social anxiety as well and find myself daydreaming to escape. Just frustrated. Some seem to have it all.
Music helps me feel better. I have mood swings of happiness throughout the day and most likely its a battle within mind but i feel lost. I want to be happy and stop feeling like i am not good enough. Somehow my optimism fades. I do try to be optimistic and hopeful.
I recently moved from CA to MA all alone. I feel alone and everything is new at once. I feel like i think too much, over analyze everything and think about my ex all the time. He just somehow creeps in my thoughts. Am i being silly?
I am a shy person and i have a habit of doing everything on my own, be independent and not inconvenience anyone unless absolute necessary. My friends call me drama free and sweet.
How can i get out of this rut? I tried meditating to control my thoughts and thinking but mind just wanders. And more towards negativity about me. Either I am not pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, enough personality, fun enough; just ordinary and boring. Aarrrrgghhh I read the "20-something 20-everything" book. Tedious in my opinion. Is it a weird phase?
I know people out there have more problems and mine is minute compared to them but i need something. I want to live each day to fullest no matter what. Enjoy being me; its one life to live right. Don't know how!!! Do I worry too much? Do I take things seriously too much?
Any words of wisdom?
First I wish to commend you for sharing all that you have done and your desire to want to move forward. You are a very courageous young woman.
I appreciate all the changes you have gone through; with change comes transition, and with transition often comes uncertainty and fear. I want to let you know that the stuck feeling and even the negative feelings you are experiencing are natural. I know they are uncomfortable, but I can assure you, you are not weird, nor are you a failure, or silly in any way. With that said, I would like to make a request (of course you are welcome disregard any request or thoughts shared); please try and go easy on yourself right now. Swinging a 2x4 at your head isn't going to serve you and will also not support you in moving forward. If anything, beating yourself up will only compound the feelings. I have a few suggestions that I would like to offer to combat the negative thoughts and feelings, as well as to help you move past the feeling of being in a rut:
1) It is very easy to go down the path of comparison, comparing yourself to other family members and friends. However, you are not your family nor are you your friends, you are you. Who YOU are is a gift and someone to acknowledge and embrace (even though I know it may not feel that way right now.) I would like to ask that you find one great thing about yourself, i.e. your independence, your sweetness, or your ability to avoid drama, and focus on that.
2) When you start to feel fear, anger, pain, or any other negative thought or emotion try practicing a little gratitude. Place your hand over your heart, begin breathing deeply and list five things in the here and the now that you are most grateful for. That could be the shirt on your back, the sun coming through the window, the chair you are sitting in. The brain, in all its glory and splendor, does not have the capacity to think both positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Copping an attitude of gratitude will not only help you be in the present moment (where all the good stuff appears), but it will help to shift your energy and mood.
3) You had mentioned that others have expectations for you, what about your own expectations for yourself? When we live our life for others, we are not living a life for ourselves and according to what is in alignment with who we are. I would like to suggest doing a little exercise (courtesy of James Arthur Ray) to help create some clarity around the things you want for YOU in your life. Please take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the center. On the left hand side of the paper write down all the things you don't want in your life. Then on the right hand side of the paper write down the exact opposite of what you wrote on the left side; the things that you do want. Pick at least one thing from the right side and start taking action around that one thing.
4) Get to know you. What lights a fire for you? When was the last time you had a lot of fun? What was it you were doing? What was it about the things that you were doing that created the fun for you? Chances are you will learn a bit more about the wonderful person you are just by answering those questions.
5) Last, but not least, in regards to the relationship that ended, I would like to ask that you list at least five good things that you can take away from your experience that will serve you in the future. By looking at the positives that will certainly support you in letting go and moving forward.
Please know, R.P. you are enough, more than enough and you always have been. Again, I wish to thank you for reaching out and for sharing! I wish you all the very best.
Monday, July 28, 2008
When I was pregnant with my son one of the things I said most often was, "If I can give him anything, I hope to give him a good sense of self." I meant that with all my heart and soul. I did not wish for him to ever struggle with his sense of self like I did. (Although having said that, what I experienced I would experience again, as it made me the person I am today.)
So the Go Big or Go Home Question is; how do you define strong sense of self and how does one achieve it? (OK, so that was two questions rolled into one.)
I look forward to your thoughts.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Every once in a while I get a major brain cramp which leads to writer’s block. Today was no exception. As I sat here with my cup of coffee in hand asking myself, "OK, what do I want to write about?", nothing came to mind. Then I remembered, I have these beautiful cards created by Sonia Choquette and when I am lacking creative juices it sometimes helps to pull a card.
The first card I pulled was the Pray card and as I read the description of the card I thought, "What wisdom could I possibly share about praying?" So I pulled another card; the Call on Your Angels card. Hmmm, are you detecting a bit of a theme here?
All the sudden I go from no idea to two ideas in the pull of the card (or cards); I could either write about paying attention to themes that present themselves or I could write about asking for guidance. Then it dawned on me, "Duh, Pam…you were asking for inspiration and you were given an answer."
I don't think I was actually meant to focus on the real meaning of the cards, but the bigger message; when you are at a loss, when you are lacking direction, or answers are evading you, ask a question from your heart to whatever deity or source you look to for support (God, Buddha, your guardian angels, spirit guides, an intuitive, the Universe...) then let it go, be present and patient, and see what appears.
Sometimes the answers come instantly (like in my case today – thank you!), while other times the answers come in due time and when you least expect it. Just know and have faith that all heartfelt questions do receive answers, so ask and you will receive.