Monday, August 25, 2008

Go Big or Go Home Question: Fear, Friend or Foe

Fear (to me) was the boogey man under the bed, the one feeling that would stop me right in my tracks, the gut twisting, gut wrenching emotion that had the strongest vise grip in the whole world... until just recently. I was working with a client when it hit me like a 2x4 in the middle of the eyes; why not treat fear like an old friend that we are out growing? Instead of , which only makes it scream back louder, why not think of the good things we can take away from it; the lessons learned or awareness created?

So here's your Go Big or Go Home question; consider one fear that you have and ask yourself, "What's at least one good thing I can take away from this fear?"

Once you have done that (and this may sound silly, but it helps) write your fear a little letter thanking it for the positive take away. In that letter be sure to let your fear know that you are releasing it and moving on from it. Once you have completed your letter you are then free to burn it, shred it, flush it down the toilet, whatever action is going to help you let go of it.

I think you will be surprised at the results.

Happy Fear Releasing!

Posted by Pam at 1:07:27 PM in Go Big Or Go Home Questions (15) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

What Does It Take? A Healthy Relationship Meter

Relationships are funny little creatures and in taking stock of some of my own I have discovered something; in order to have healthy relationships (friendship, romantic, business) the following things should be present (for me); they make up my healthy relationship meter:

1) The ability and space to be who you are. If you have to be someone you're not, that creates room for games, feelings of disconnect with one's own self (the "Who Am I Being? Syndrome"), hurt, embarrassment, and possibly the loss of integrity.

Some signs to look out for: Saying and doing things that you would not normally say and do, a feeling of uneasiness, always questioning yourself in the relationship.

How genuine is the relationship going to be out of the gate if either person is showing up as someone they're not?

2) Room to grow and the support to do so; no shackles or tethers. As we go through life we learn and as a result we grow. Growth is a good thing!

Some signs to look out for: Criticism and put-downs from the other person, especially during times of growth and positive change. Increased signs of insecurity from your partner and the need for continual reassurance that they are OK in your eyes.

3) No emotional games allowed. There is never a winner in an emotional game.

Some signs to look out for: Emotional blackmail ("If you loved me you would..."), a constant push and pull (pushing you away and then pulling you in when a distance has been created).

4) Equal balance of give and take. When there is an imbalance one person always walks away feeling depleted, used, or unimportant.

Some signs to look out for: Your partner, friend, or colleague spends most of their time focusing on themselves in almost every conversation (self obsessed or self absorbed behavior); one person is putting in most of the effort to make the relationship work. Having to constantly hold your partner/friend/colleague upright emotionally. Feeling completely drained after a conversation.

5) Direct and open communication. No person is a mind-reader so it is important to be able to constructively communicate wants, dislikes, expectations, etc.

Some signs to look out for: An applied assumption that you should always know what your partner/friend/colleague wants, increased resentment, and frustration.

6) Mutual respect. Without mutual respect lines get crossed and feelings get hurt.

Some signs to look out for: The crossing of personal boundaries, exhibiting behavior that is belittling, embarrassing, and at the expense of the other person.

Healthy relationships take two people who are equally committed to the relationship and being the best they can be. So what's your meter for determining whether you are engaging in healthy relationships?

Posted by Pam at 6:09:45 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Transition Rut

Hello,

I am 25, single and feel like i am stuck in a rut. Not too long ago I completed my 6 yr military contract, civilian now. Trying to recover from a broken heart as well. Anger, betrayal, resentment, cynicism and more. Everything seems and feels like a mess. Relationships, career, finance, education, Health (gained 40lbs). Not meeting my parents expectations. Feeling like a failure at everything. Single, looking for job, trying to finish college, and broke. I want to be able to help my family financially.
My parents and family keep saying i should have a degree by now. I should be successful. Why am i single? Pretty much all my friends and family of my age are either married or have kids or in a committed long term relationship. I am trying to be optimistic that all things happens in time and do my best. But i feel like a complete failure at everything. I am having social anxiety as well and find myself daydreaming to escape. Just frustrated. Some seem to have it all.
Music helps me feel better. I have mood swings of happiness throughout the day and most likely its a battle within mind but i feel lost. I want to be happy and stop feeling like i am not good enough. Somehow my optimism fades. I do try to be optimistic and hopeful.
I recently moved from CA to MA all alone. I feel alone and everything is new at once. I feel like i think too much, over analyze everything and think about my ex all the time. He just somehow creeps in my thoughts. Am i being silly?
I am a shy person and i have a habit of doing everything on my own, be independent and not inconvenience anyone unless absolute necessary. My friends call me drama free and sweet.
How can i get out of this rut? I tried meditating to control my thoughts and thinking but mind just wanders. And more towards negativity about me. Either I am not pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, enough personality, fun enough; just ordinary and boring. Aarrrrgghhh I read the "20-something 20-everything" book. Tedious in my opinion. Is it a weird phase?
I know people out there have more problems and mine is minute compared to them but i need something. I want to live each day to fullest no matter what. Enjoy being me; its one life to live right. Don't know how!!! Do I worry too much? Do I take things seriously too much?
Any words of wisdom?
R.P.

Dear R.P.

First I wish to commend you for sharing all that you have done and your desire to want to move forward. You are a very courageous young woman.

I appreciate all the changes you have gone through; with change comes transition, and with transition often comes uncertainty and fear. I want to let you know that the stuck feeling and even the negative feelings you are experiencing are natural. I know they are uncomfortable, but I can assure you, you are not weird, nor are you a failure, or silly in any way. With that said, I would like to make a request (of course you are welcome disregard any request or thoughts shared); please try and go easy on yourself right now. Swinging a 2x4 at your head isn't going to serve you and will also not support you in moving forward. If anything, beating yourself up will only compound the feelings. I have a few suggestions that I would like to offer to combat the negative thoughts and feelings, as well as to help you move past the feeling of being in a rut:

1) It is very easy to go down the path of comparison, comparing yourself to other family members and friends. However, you are not your family nor are you your friends, you are you. Who YOU are is a gift and someone to acknowledge and embrace (even though I know it may not feel that way right now.) I would like to ask that you find one great thing about yourself, i.e. your independence, your sweetness, or your ability to avoid drama, and focus on that.
2) When you start to feel fear, anger, pain, or any other negative thought or emotion try practicing a little gratitude. Place your hand over your heart, begin breathing deeply and list five things in the here and the now that you are most grateful for. That could be the shirt on your back, the sun coming through the window, the chair you are sitting in. The brain, in all its glory and splendor, does not have the capacity to think both positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Copping an attitude of gratitude will not only help you be in the present moment (where all the good stuff appears), but it will help to shift your energy and mood.
3) You had mentioned that others have expectations for you, what about your own expectations for yourself? When we live our life for others, we are not living a life for ourselves and according to what is in alignment with who we are. I would like to suggest doing a little exercise (courtesy of James Arthur Ray) to help create some clarity around the things you want for YOU in your life. Please take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the center. On the left hand side of the paper write down all the things you don't want in your life. Then on the right hand side of the paper write down the exact opposite of what you wrote on the left side; the things that you do want. Pick at least one thing from the right side and start taking action around that one thing.
4) Get to know you. What lights a fire for you? When was the last time you had a lot of fun? What was it you were doing? What was it about the things that you were doing that created the fun for you? Chances are you will learn a bit more about the wonderful person you are just by answering those questions.
5) Last, but not least, in regards to the relationship that ended, I would like to ask that you list at least five good things that you can take away from your experience that will serve you in the future. By looking at the positives that will certainly support you in letting go and moving forward.

Please know, R.P. you are enough, more than enough and you always have been. Again, I wish to thank you for reaching out and for sharing! I wish you all the very best.

Posted by Pam at 5:54:10 PM in Ask Pam (5) | Permalink | Comments (1)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Go Big Or Go Home Question: Strong Sense of Self

When I was pregnant with my son one of the things I said most often was, "If I can give him anything, I hope to give him a good sense of self." I meant that with all my heart and soul. I did not wish for him to ever struggle with his sense of self like I did. (Although having said that, what I experienced I would experience again, as it made me the person I am today.)

So the Go Big or Go Home Question is; how do you define strong sense of self and how does one achieve it? (OK, so that was two questions rolled into one.)

I look forward to your thoughts.

Posted by Pam at 11:05:15 PM in Go Big Or Go Home Questions (15) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Ask and You Will Receive

Every once in a while I get a major brain cramp which leads to writer’s block. Today was no exception. As I sat here with my cup of coffee in hand asking myself, "OK, what do I want to write about?", nothing came to mind. Then I remembered, I have these beautiful created by and when I am lacking creative juices it sometimes helps to pull a .

The first card I pulled was the Pray card and as I read the description of the card I thought, "What wisdom could I possibly share about praying?" So I pulled another card; the Call on Your Angels card. Hmmm, are you detecting a bit of a theme here?

All the sudden I go from no idea to two ideas in the pull of the card (or cards); I could either write about paying attention to themes that present themselves or I could write about asking for guidance. Then it dawned on me, "Duh, Pam…you were asking for inspiration and you were given an answer."

I don't think I was actually meant to focus on the real meaning of the cards, but the bigger message; when you are at a loss, when you are lacking direction, or answers are evading you, ask a question from your heart to whatever deity or source you look to for support (God, Buddha, your guardian angels, spirit guides, an intuitive, the Universe...) then let it go, be present and patient, and see what appears.

Sometimes the answers come instantly (like in my case today – thank you!), while other times the answers come in due time and when you least expect it. Just know and have faith that all heartfelt questions do receive answers, so ask and you will receive.

Posted by Pam at 3:03:18 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

What is Your Heart Telling You?

When it comes to the things we really want but are afraid of, we often seek the counsel of our heads. We often listen to that little voice that says things like, "You could never do that!" "Oh my, what if you fail? Or What if you succeed, then you will have to keep it up." We listen to that voice until we find reason to not move forward with the things we want. While it is not always a bad thing to listen to our heads, in doing so we sometimes neglect what is truly in our hearts. For it’s in our hearts, that’s where the good stuff resides. Our hearts hold the answers and the support we need, we just have to have faith and we just have to listen.

So I dare you to listen to your heart, what is it saying to you?

Is it telling you to be bold?

Is it telling you to love like you have never loved before?

Is it telling you that you rock and are totally amazing?

Be still and listen.

I'm almost saddened by thought of where I might be today if I had not listened to my own heart and believed in its wisdom; chances are I would still be in a marriage that was not working for either of us. I might even still be playing it safe in a career that didn't suit me, working for someone else and not following my own dreams. I may still be hiding in the shadows afraid to share my real self with the world, fearful that the real me would not be accepted.

I'm glad I have taken chances. I am glad I have listened to my heart and I am thrilled with the results. So the next time you really want something, but are afraid to take the leap, ask your heart and listen carefully to what it tells you. You won't be sorry.

Posted by Pam at 10:29:46 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Silence is Golden

Silence is a beautiful thing. Silence provides us with a break from all the buzz. It affords us some breathing space. It can be a sanctuary from the hustle and bustle of the day-to-day. As a coach, I have found it to be one of the most powerful coaching tools in my coaching toolbox; when you use silence you give the other person the time and the space to reflect on the question/comment before responding. Silence is truly golden and something I don’t think we take advantage of enough.

It is my wish that you give yourself the gift of silence for just 10 minutes a day. Find some place to sit quietly, take some deep breathes, and just relax. Let your mind go where it needs to go. Oh, and if you want to try something really fun, try asking yourself a question and then go silent. See what happens, as you might be pleasantly surprised.



Have fun soaking in the silence. Peace and quiet be with you all!

Posted by Pam at 4:37:58 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Don't Forget

Forgiving is not about forgetting the old story. It's about giving a chance to write a new story - Quote from the book , by

Most recently I came to the tough realization that I was still holding on to some past hurt from my childhood. Heck, I am 41 years old, but there was a part of me that was still hurting over things said to me when I was a young child and a teenager. Reliving those past memories not only hurt, but I began to feel powerless all over again, which resulted in anger.

Here is some food for thought; holding on to anger or resentment from past hurts only holds us back and prevents us from fully moving forward. Think about it, how can we truly move forward if part of us is still sitting smack dab in the middle of a past hurt?

In order to fully move forward, to be a part of my own here and now, I decided to “write a new story”. I have not forgotten the things that hurt, but instead I asked myself the following question, “What did I learn and what positives did I take away from this situation?”

Focusing on what I learned and the positives not only helped me to shift my energy from negative to positive, but I regained my personal power. I am no longer that little girl or that teenager who felt small and insignificant. I can now embrace the me that I am right now; a woman who is not a quitter and who is willing to fight for what's most important to her.

So let me ask you this, how will you write your story? What's one thing you wish to “unhook” from emotionally, one thing from your past that causes you pain? I wish to encourage to think of ways to write a new story so that pain is no longer drawing you back. Think of the things (at least one thing) you gained from the experience. It could be that you learned how you don't wish to be or how you don't ever wish to treat another person. It could be that you gained strength from the experience. Believe it or not, out of all bad/painful experiences there is some good to be had. Here's to not forgetting, but forgiving and letting go.

Posted by Pam at 6:09:54 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Go Big Or Go Home Question: What Will YOU Say?

I noticed a few times this week that when I was presented with some cool opportunities resistance stuck a foot in them....more like my self saboteur, actually. She came out in full force with her little power suit, high heels, hands on hips, saying loudly, "Who are you kidding? You can't do this!"

Truth be told I actually have two self saboteurs; one I call my dream squasher (the one I just described). My dream squasher is the one who sticks her heels in the concepts of big opportunities and dreams, trying desperately to let the air out of them. She does this so I don't have to be successful.

My other self saboteur is a little girl. Why a little girl? Well, at eight years of age that is when I received the message that I was not good enough and did not deserve good things. That message manifested into a ; fear of losing anything that was important to me because I was not deserving. So when something is really important to me she will come out to remind me that the more important things I have, the more I have to lose.

The one thing I have found, the more I fight either one the louder and stronger they get. Think of a child throwing a tantrum; have you ever noticed that the less attention you give a child throwing a fit the louder they become? Same notion applies here.

Rather than fighting my self saboteurs, rather than telling them to "shut up, sit down, and leave me alone", I say, "It's OK. It's all going to be a-ok. I promise. I have everything handled and you are going to be OK." Seems to do the trick every time, because in all actuality (like children) all self saboteurs really want is to be told that everything is going to be OK; that they're really OK (that WE'RE really OK).

Now for the Go Big Go Home Question... The next time your self saboteur rears it's head, what will you say to it? What will you do to comfort it rather than fight it?

(**image courtesy of www.carsonvalleyvitality.com)

Posted by Pam at 2:35:01 PM in Go Big Or Go Home Questions (15) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Sharing Some Much Deserved Props

It pleases me to no-end to announce the launch of a great new blog, The VA Voice. You know me, I am certainly in support of finding ways to make life better and easier (as well as providing you with some great resources) and that is what my dear friend offers, not only with her (VA) practice, but now with her blog. Whether you are looking for sound and practical ideas on marketing, interesting insights on techie tools, ways to improve your business, or just a great blog to connect with some talented folks do pop on over to The VA Voice.

Congratulations, MJ on a job well done and continuing to make a HUGE difference!

Posted by Pam at 2:42:17 PM in Making a Difference (5) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Go Big or Go Home Questions: Kicking Fear in the Backside

I once heard fear described like this:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Is it false evidence that appears real? Is it something we make up in our heads? Yes, sometimes it is. Sometimes we use as a means to hide behind. Sometimes it is our best friend keeping us out of harms way. Sometimes it is our worst enemy standing in our way of going after what we want or stepping into our own greatness.

One of the keys to kicking fear in the backside is awareness so let's create some awareness right here and now with these Go Big or Go Home questions. (Wait, before you ponder the questions asked I want you to think of a fear that follows you around, one that comes up often.)

What is that fear keeping you from?
What is one thing you would be willing to do (starting today) to kick that fear in the backside?

And now for a shameless plug :::sheepish grin:::...
If you are wishing to kick fear in the backside once and for all, please join me starting July 10th for the where we will take a good hard look at fear and ways to remove it. Spaces are limited and time is running out for the early bird discount. It is my sincerest wish to support you in erradicating fear so you can have all that you desire.

Posted by Pam at 2:45:55 PM in Go Big Or Go Home Questions (15) | Permalink | Comments (2)

Monday, May 26, 2008

You are Beautiful!

What worth has beauty if it is not seen? - Italian Proverb

There is not one person on this planet who does not possess a great beauty. I truly believe that in my heart. We all have the capacity to share and show our beauty; sometimes we choose to hide it away. Sometimes we mask it in fear that our beauty is not good enough or as wonderful as someone elses.

When we compare ourselves to others, when we self deprecate, when we don’t share our true amazing selves, we are depreciating our own beauty, devaluing its worth and our own. We are depriving ourselves of the chance to share something really incredible with the world and in turn we are depriving ourselves of opportunities for growth and potentials.

My friends, it does not matter if you are bone thin, over weight, have a small nose or a big nose, hips that are too small or too big, you are beautiful. You possess a beauty that no one else does and that makes you incredible and unique.

I encourage you to come out from hiding, to stop the self deprecation, to cease the comparisons. When you feel the urge to do any of the things mentioned, please stop yourself and please find one positive thing about YOU that you can share with the world in that very moment. Maybe you have a killer smile, so stop and smile at someone. Maybe you give incredible hugs, so stop and hug someone. Embrace your beauty, you may be utterly surprised at what happens when you do.

Posted by Pam at 6:52:19 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Monday Blues Chaser

You know what they say, laughter is often the best medicine. If you are experiencing some Monday blues, have a gander at this...

 

SIDE EFFECT WARNING: Severe laughter may cause side aches.

Posted by Pam at 6:51:54 PM in Pam's Ponderings (32) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Independence from the Chaos, Stress, and Madness

In the United States July is the month to celebrate independence. While folks may be celebrating a country's independence, I would like to mark July as the start to breaking free from the following:

Stress
Insecurities
The feeling of being stuck
Lack of passion and purpose
Tolerations
Fears
...to name just a few things that hold us back and keep us from reaching our fullest potential; living a life that we desire and deserve.

It is my wish that each one of you experiences the freedom to be who you truly are so you can have what you really want. It is my desire and goal to support you in doing just that, being the real you and doing and having things that are in integrity with who you truly are.

Please join me starting July 10, 2008 for a four month intensive based upon the e-workbooks Will the Real YOU Please Step Forward. I am opening up this group coaching program to ONLY 10 people so if you are interested in:

1) Knowing what makes you tick
2) Attracting what you really want in your life
3) Letting go of any fears that are keeping you from living your life to the fullest
4) Eradicating any tolerations that are weighing you down
5) Finding your passion and purpose; claiming it once and for all
6) Gaining the power to be who you want to be, do what you want to do and have what you want to have
7) Learning how to create sticky intentions


Please contact me to set up a brief interview. Participants will receive the following:

- Two, one hour group coaching sessions per month via phone
- One, 45 minute individual coaching session per month via phone
- A monthly buddy call with another participant in the program
- The e-workbook series Will the Real YOU Please Step Forward
- Access to a private online area where you can interact with other group participants in between calls

Some benefits for participating...

*Group support and encouragement
*Connection with liked-minded people.
*Safe, confidential space to share and grow
*When you strengthen your inner self, stress and tolerations are dramatically reduced
*Changes from the inside out
*More peace and balance
*Awareness and clarity around who you are and what you want
*Accountability

The program schedule is as follows:

July 10th: First Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
July 17th: Second Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
Week of July 21st: Individual Coaching Call (scheduled individually)
Week of July 28th: Buddy calls

August 7th: First Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
August 14th: Second Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
Week of August 18th: Individual Coaching Call (scheduled individually)
Week of August 25th: Buddy calls

September 4th: First Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
September 11th: Second Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
Week of September 15th: Individual Coaching Call (scheduled individually)
Week of September 22nd: Buddy calls

October 2nd: First Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
October 9th: Second Group Coaching Call @ 9pm ET, 8pm CT, 7pm MT, 6pm PT
Week of October 13th: Individual Coaching Call (scheduled individually)
Week of October 20th: Buddy calls

The regular cost for this program is $660 USD ($165 per month), however, I wish to offer this entire program to 10 people for $165 USD ( which is the equivalent of three free months of group and individual coaching.) In addition, if you sign up by June 20th, you will receive 20% off the $165.

Space is limited so contact me to set up your introductory interview call. Here is to creating individual independence by getting to the core of who you truly are!

Posted by Pam at 6:31:02 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Food for Thought: The Law of the Garbarge Truck

(Many thanks to my sister, Wendy for sending the following to me, which I believe was written by David J Pollay. Some awesome food for thought.)

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..... 'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

Attitude and holding on to our power are wonderful things, aren't they?

Posted by Pam at 4:06:24 PM in Quotes with Impact (30) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Go Big or Go Home Questions: Magic Wands and Pixie Dust

Dear Blog Readers,

I wish to thank you for visiting and reading Make the Most of U. I am extremely grateful for the visits, comments, and contributions. Next month will be Make the Most of U's third birthday so its time to shake things up a bit! In order to do that, I would like the chance to get to know YOU a bit better; I want to know what makes you tick, what your heart says to you, what your values are, and what's most important to you!

Why?

First, because I truly do care about what you think and who you are. Second, I want to continue to provide content that resonants with who, what you are experiencing, and what you are wishing to create for yourselves. So with that, the Go Big or Go Home Question is....

If I was your fairygod coach and with a wave of my magic wand could grant your heart's desire, what three wishes would you make and why?

I look forward to your responses. Here's to you and to making the most of you and who you are!

Posted by Pam at 5:52:00 PM in Go Big Or Go Home Questions (15) | Permalink | Comments (1)

Monday, April 21, 2008

Cracked Heels and Itchy Weaknesses

While most may have one , I seem to have two.

Does having two make me any more special than anyone else? Certainly not! Does it make me more deserving of praise and accolades? “Oh, check Pam out, she has not one, but two Achilles Heels. Isn't she cool?” Nope! Don't think so.

So what does it make me? Human! It makes me human.

And while I have two, there is one in particular that bothers me most; it's dried, cracked, sometimes hurts, itches like hell, and thus far has evaded “remedy”.

My major Achilles Heel is the fear of losing the things that are most important to me.

So when I am feeling the fear of loss in the form of negative thoughts, I try and replace those thoughts with more positive ones. While that often provides temporary relief, temporary is no longer good enough! A long-term cure is what I'm after.

In searching for that cure I asked the following question (err..questions) “Why do I fear loss and what can I do to remove it?”

The remedy/answer did not come right away. As a matter of fact, it waited a day and came during a coaching session with a client. The answer was, “We have a tendency to hang on for dear life to things that are most important. In hanging on in a white-knuckled fashion, we cloud the good aspects of those things and minimize our ability to enjoy them. Have faith; faith in yourself and faith that all that is important will remain as long as you believe in those things. Be grateful for them, be present, and trust.”

Now it's your turn, dear readers and fellow bloggers, what's your Achilles Heel(s)? What are you willing to do to ease the cracking and itch?

 

Posted by Pam at 9:21:35 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Drama! Who Needs It?

"I don't live in a soap opera so I don't choose to be a part of one."

I am not going to spoil this wonderful quote from my 13 year old son with a huge explanation. I will just say, wise words to ponder, dontcha think?

 

Posted by Pam at 11:04:34 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Go Big or Go Home Questions: Peace and Grounded

I just realized that I have not asked a “Go Big or Go Home Question” in some time so here is a doozy for you; one that I am actually exploring myself. Beware, it's a two parter.

Who or what do I need to be to create a peaceful and grounded life? What am I willing to do to achieve peace and become more grounded and peaceful?

(Oh, and since I never ask a question, that I am not willing to answer myself, feel free to hop on over to )

Posted by Pam at 6:36:53 PM in Go Big Or Go Home Questions (15) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Driver or Passenger Seat?

The hardest thing often to relinquish is being in the driver’s seat (in control). Let’s face it, it’s difficult not to have control, especially over events or even people (yep, people) who are important to us. Why? Because we have to be reliant on something or someone else to help create the desired outcome we are after…to help get us to where we want to go.(courtesy of www.pedalcar.com)

Two weeks ago I with all of you how I became vulnerable by putting my deep personal feelings out there. This was a wonderful and tough thing to do; it was wonderful to let the other person know just how much I love and care for him, but at the same time it was difficult to get out of the driver’s seat and into the passenger seat. (To this day, I still have to practice letting go of the outcome.)

You see, the only things I had control over in this situation were my own feelings and how I chose to share them. I did not have control over how my feelings would be received and the response I would ultimately get. Now, it is a matter of being the best person I can be to myself and this person, letting go of the outcome, and having faith (all things I have control over) that what is meant to be, will.

I’ll admit, it’s tough to let go of the wheel and at the same time it is so easy to fall prey to trying to force or push things along. Yep, been there, done that; trying to force the outcome produced results far from what I really wanted. In the long run it wasn’t worth it.

So what’s a person to do?

First things first, it helps to distinguish what you truly have control over in the current situation. If it helps, ask yourself the following questions, “What do I have control over?” and “What don’t I have control over?” Getting clear and creating awareness around when you are in the driver’s seat and when you are in the passenger’s seat is half the battle.

Of the things you have control over make a commitment to execute them in a constructive fashion; meaning knowing when to put on the gas and knowing when to ease off a bit and just coast. Remember, it’s a fine balance; gunning the gas pedal is not always the best option. Sometimes you have to drive as if you are , slowly, steadily, and reliably.

Now it’s your turn. When was the last time you forced your way into the driver’s seat? What happened? What happened the last time you sat back, were completely present, and enjoyed the ride?

(Image courtesy of www.pedalcar.com)

Posted by Pam at 5:32:53 PM in Creating Change (95) | Permalink | Comments (0)