> Ask Pam

Monday, January 12, 2009

Loving those Aha Moments

Happy Monday!! Rather than go into great detail regarding this week's title, I would like to invite you to read, "Share Some Love". Give sharing some love a whirl and do let me know how it works for you.

Have an amazing week everyone!!

P.S. Many thanks to those of you who have already expressed interest in "Getting Your Groove On: Ten Kick Ass Ways to Super Charge Your Life". It is coming along and I cannot wait to share it with all of you.

Posted by Pam at 4:38:46 PM in Ask Pam (6) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Happy Positive Thinking Day!!

Yes, that's right today is Positive Thinking Day. This wonderful day was created by Dr. Kirsten Harrell with the intention to raise the positive vibes in the world. When you have an opportunity, please wander on over to the Positive Thinking Day website and find out how you can support and participant in this wonderful initiative.

I, for one, am a firm believer in the power of postive thinking. Why? Because...

It boosts my mood

Shifts my energy

Helps me to shake off the negatives so I can witness and participate in the positives

I move forward and see greater opportunities when I am feeling upbeat and positive

There is less drama and stress in my life

Just a few of the many benefits I receive when I remove the stinkin' thinkin' and replace it with a positive attitude. Oh, and here is something else really interesting about the power of positive thinking; the brain does not have the capability to think both positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Kinda cool, huh?

In honor of today I would like to encourage you to participate in at least one positive thinking activity. Here are just a few ideas to get the ball rolling:

1) Find a really rockin' affirmation that boosts you up. (Oh, and if you purchase an affirmation today from ipop-in not only will you be raising your energy, but 30% of your purchase price will be donated to the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation
2) Practice an attitude of gratitude; stop whatever you are doing and find things to be grateful for.
3) Smile and say "hello" to the people you pass today.
4) Call a friend and tell them how much you appreciate them and their friendship.

Whatever you decide to do, have fun and again, Happy Positive Thinking Day to all of you!! Together we can raise the positive energy.

Posted by Pam at 3:18:50 PM in Ask Pam (6) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Transition Rut

Hello,

I am 25, single and feel like i am stuck in a rut. Not too long ago I completed my 6 yr military contract, civilian now. Trying to recover from a broken heart as well. Anger, betrayal, resentment, cynicism and more. Everything seems and feels like a mess. Relationships, career, finance, education, Health (gained 40lbs). Not meeting my parents expectations. Feeling like a failure at everything. Single, looking for job, trying to finish college, and broke. I want to be able to help my family financially.
My parents and family keep saying i should have a degree by now. I should be successful. Why am i single? Pretty much all my friends and family of my age are either married or have kids or in a committed long term relationship. I am trying to be optimistic that all things happens in time and do my best. But i feel like a complete failure at everything. I am having social anxiety as well and find myself daydreaming to escape. Just frustrated. Some seem to have it all.
Music helps me feel better. I have mood swings of happiness throughout the day and most likely its a battle within mind but i feel lost. I want to be happy and stop feeling like i am not good enough. Somehow my optimism fades. I do try to be optimistic and hopeful.
I recently moved from CA to MA all alone. I feel alone and everything is new at once. I feel like i think too much, over analyze everything and think about my ex all the time. He just somehow creeps in my thoughts. Am i being silly?
I am a shy person and i have a habit of doing everything on my own, be independent and not inconvenience anyone unless absolute necessary. My friends call me drama free and sweet.
How can i get out of this rut? I tried meditating to control my thoughts and thinking but mind just wanders. And more towards negativity about me. Either I am not pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, enough personality, fun enough; just ordinary and boring. Aarrrrgghhh I read the "20-something 20-everything" book. Tedious in my opinion. Is it a weird phase?
I know people out there have more problems and mine is minute compared to them but i need something. I want to live each day to fullest no matter what. Enjoy being me; its one life to live right. Don't know how!!! Do I worry too much? Do I take things seriously too much?
Any words of wisdom?
R.P.

Dear R.P.

First I wish to commend you for sharing all that you have done and your desire to want to move forward. You are a very courageous young woman.

I appreciate all the changes you have gone through; with change comes transition, and with transition often comes uncertainty and fear. I want to let you know that the stuck feeling and even the negative feelings you are experiencing are natural. I know they are uncomfortable, but I can assure you, you are not weird, nor are you a failure, or silly in any way. With that said, I would like to make a request (of course you are welcome disregard any request or thoughts shared); please try and go easy on yourself right now. Swinging a 2x4 at your head isn't going to serve you and will also not support you in moving forward. If anything, beating yourself up will only compound the feelings. I have a few suggestions that I would like to offer to combat the negative thoughts and feelings, as well as to help you move past the feeling of being in a rut:

1) It is very easy to go down the path of comparison, comparing yourself to other family members and friends. However, you are not your family nor are you your friends, you are you. Who YOU are is a gift and someone to acknowledge and embrace (even though I know it may not feel that way right now.) I would like to ask that you find one great thing about yourself, i.e. your independence, your sweetness, or your ability to avoid drama, and focus on that.
2) When you start to feel fear, anger, pain, or any other negative thought or emotion try practicing a little gratitude. Place your hand over your heart, begin breathing deeply and list five things in the here and the now that you are most grateful for. That could be the shirt on your back, the sun coming through the window, the chair you are sitting in. The brain, in all its glory and splendor, does not have the capacity to think both positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Copping an attitude of gratitude will not only help you be in the present moment (where all the good stuff appears), but it will help to shift your energy and mood.
3) You had mentioned that others have expectations for you, what about your own expectations for yourself? When we live our life for others, we are not living a life for ourselves and according to what is in alignment with who we are. I would like to suggest doing a little exercise (courtesy of James Arthur Ray) to help create some clarity around the things you want for YOU in your life. Please take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the center. On the left hand side of the paper write down all the things you don't want in your life. Then on the right hand side of the paper write down the exact opposite of what you wrote on the left side; the things that you do want. Pick at least one thing from the right side and start taking action around that one thing.
4) Get to know you. What lights a fire for you? When was the last time you had a lot of fun? What was it you were doing? What was it about the things that you were doing that created the fun for you? Chances are you will learn a bit more about the wonderful person you are just by answering those questions.
5) Last, but not least, in regards to the relationship that ended, I would like to ask that you list at least five good things that you can take away from your experience that will serve you in the future. By looking at the positives that will certainly support you in letting go and moving forward.

Please know, R.P. you are enough, more than enough and you always have been. Again, I wish to thank you for reaching out and for sharing! I wish you all the very best.

Posted by Pam at 5:54:10 PM in Ask Pam (6) | Permalink | Comments (1)

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Second Class Citizen - NOT!

Pam, I have a client who is absolutely the most inconsiderate person in the world. First of all, my client has more money then he could ever spend and has the attitude that everyone should cater to him. He expects me to drop everything and run and basically treats me like a slave. I am damned tired of being treated like a second-class citizen! I have tried to talk with him to let him know that I do not like the way he has treated me, but it does not seem to make a difference. I am at a loss as to what to do!

Bless your heart!! First and foremost, you are NOT a second-class citizen and you do NOT deserve to be treated as one!

Second, I wish for you to ask yourself, is this a client that you truly need? If you were to let go of this client would you be jeopardizing your well-being?

If you answered "no", it may be time to let go of this client. Honestly, I am a firm believer that when we remove the negatives in our lives, we create the space for more positives to present themselves.

If you answered "yes", then how about setting a few goals that will help you move forward to more positive potentials? Goals that will you get to the place where feeling reliant on this client is no longer an issue. For example, "By "x-date" I will have two new clients". Then make a commitment to yourself to do one thing every day that will help you reach that goal. That one thing could be handing out your business card to someone, developing a referral program for your existing clients, making a few phone calls, or just sharing what you do with one new person a day.

In the meantime, know that it is OK to draw some boundaries. One of those boundaries could be placing your client on a schedule and sticking to that schedule. There is an old saying that I just love; "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

Whatever the boundary/boundaries you draw, just remember, no one has the right to make you feel less of a person. You are not less of a person!! You are a capable person, who adds great value!

I wish you the very best of luck and thank you so much for sharing!

Be well…

Pam

Posted by Pam at 2:53:20 PM in Ask Pam (6) | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Stuck... In Need of a New Direction

Pam, I am 54 years of age and I feel like I am going absolutely no where right now. I am stuck in what feels like a dead-end life. I am looking for a new direction, but have no idea where to start. What can I do??

I truly wish to thank you for sharing... by doing so you have taken an important step forward. Often in sharing with others we find not only the strength and support we need, but we often find solutions.

I greatly appreciate where you are right now and understand how difficult it is to feel stuck. While this may not feel like the best place to be, and maybe it even feels a tad overwhelming, where you are is an important place to be. The reason... it indicates that you are ready to make a change or a shift in your life.

What I would like to recommend at this time are the following suggestions:

1) Block out at least an hour (more if possible) where you can spend a bit of quiet time. If it means turning off the phone, going to your local library or a quiet spot outside, great. This is going to be your time! Time for some discovery so the less distractions the better.

During this time grab a piece of paper and pen and start making a list of all the things that excite you. Things that ignite a fire or that you feel passionate about it. Try not to analyze this list as you are making it, just free write and capture the things that come to the surface. After you are done with the list, put it in a safe place. Then in a few days time, take your list out and look it over.

Are there things on this list that you can do now? Things that will help you to change your direction. Is there something on this list that you are really passionate about, something that you could potentially do as a side project or even a new career? Are there activities on this list that you have always wanted to try, but never have for various and assorted reasons? If so, make a date with yourself to try one of these activities. If you are nervous about doing so, find a friend that would be willing to try your activity too.

2) If you are feeling stuck in your job, now would be a great time to take a look at all the wonderful skills you have to offer. Are there any skills that are not being utilized in your job? If so, brainstorm with a colleague and come up with a list of work-related activities that can easily be created. For example, if you are a person who loves to throw parties and you are a fantastic cook, why not try to organize pot luck lunches on Fridays, where everyone brings a favorite dish along with the recipes to share. You would be amazed at some of the things that can develop (ideas, new roles, great friendships) from something that may seem relatively simple and basic.

As a final thought; try and remember that it is never too late for a change…no matter what age or stage you are in life. Change is a part of growth and can be fun. It can be a time of exploration. Most importantly keep sharing your thoughts and feelings, either with people you can trust or in a journal. Sharing is vital.

I wish you the very best and again, thank you for sharing!

Be well,

Pam

Posted by Pam at 4:48:37 PM in Ask Pam (6) | Permalink | Comments (2)

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Burning Questions? ASK AWAY!

Sometimes we get a bit stuck or we find ourselves feeling a bit frustrated with our current situation. It happens to the best of us, but that does not mean that we have to get unstuck or deal with those frustrations alone.